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.Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Jokes
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Saturday, September 3, 2011
Santa Singh at KBC
Santa Singh has answered 12 out of the 15 questions correct and has used all his lifelines except for "50-50″ and "Phone a Friend".
Santa Singh is playing the 13 th Question now which is for 25 Lacs. Let's see what happens next…
Amitabh Bachchan: Apka 13th question 25 lakh ke liye, yeh raha aapke saamne aapki Computer Screen par…
Santa Singh gets Tense…
Amitabh Bachchan : Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan ? Your options are…
A) Amitabh Bachchan B) Dharmendra C) Amjad Khan(Gabbar) D) Sanjeev kumar
Amitabh Bachchan : Toh Santa Singh Jee kya Jawaab hai aapka? [He's quite sure that Santa will opt for option A]
But Santa is surprisingly still confused…
Amitabh Bachchan : Aapke paas abhi bhi do life line baaki hai… 50-50 and phone a friend. Agar aap chahe to unhe use kar sakte hain. Wo aap hi ke liye banaayi gayee hai.
Santa Singh : I think it is A, but I'm not sure.
Amitabh Bachchan : Not sure, Hmmm… Aap kya karna chahenge?
Santa Singh : I would like to use 50-50…
Amitabh Bachchan : Ok Computer Jee, Kripya 2 galat javab mita deejiye…
Computer deletes two names, and leaves the following options:
B) Dharmendra C) Amjad Khan(Gabbar)
Now Amitabh Bachchan gets confused and worriedly thinks if the Computer is actually right or has got some bug!. Santa Singh gets all the more Confused after the 50-50 Lifeline…
Santa Singh: I would like to use my last life line too - Phone A Friend…
Amitabh Bachchan : Aap kisse baat karna chahenge??
Santa Singh : Main aapki Misej [Mrs.] Jaya Bachan Ji ko phone karna chahoonga…
Amitabh Bachchan Faints !!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan (Thanks to AirTel )
Santa Singh : "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?" receiving reply from JAYA Santa faints..
GUESS WHY????????? ??
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Jaya Bachchan ask's him " What are the options?"
ATM signs for Men & Women
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Your weakness can be your strength..
A 10-year-old boy decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied.
Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training. Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament.
Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches.
The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match.
Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals. This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out.
He was about to stopthe match when the sensei intervened. "No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue."
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him.
The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion. On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?" "You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
"Sometimes we feel that we have certain weaknesses and we blame god, the circumstances and our self for it but we never know that our weakness can become our strength one day.
Each of us is special and important, so never think you have any weakness, never think of pride or pain, just live your life to its fullest and extract the best out of it!"
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Sunday, April 25, 2010
APARTMENT for RENT--THIS IS TOO FUNNY ...
APARTMENT for RENT
THIS IS TOO FUNNY ...
THIS IS TOO FUNNY ...
A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. Morning, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:
'Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment . I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that:
#1 - it had been previously occupied,
#2 - there wasn't any heat, and
#3 - it was entirely too large.'
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check f or $250 with the following note:
'Dear Sir:
#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.
So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady...
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