FW: Jokes from MunnaBhai - Own creation

 

 

PROFESSOR
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI
Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
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CIRCUIT
Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai.
Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI
Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT
Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI
Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT
Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
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MAMU
Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL
Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
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CIRCUIT
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe.
Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.
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MAMU
Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.
MUNNA BHAI
Tamil kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU
Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.
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PROFESSOR
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
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MUNNA BHAI
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
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CIRCUIT
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU
Nehin.
CIRCUIT
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
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MUNNA BHAI
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI
Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.
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MAMU
Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
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CIRCUIT
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
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PRINCIPAL
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI

Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu 

Jai Hind

Musharaf, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are traveling in a train.

The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking
perplexed.

Musharaf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking:
These Pakistani are all crazy after Aishwarya. Musharaf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking:
Musharaf must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.

Musharaf is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

Manmohan is thinking:
if this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Musharaf again ...JAI HIND

Enjoy...... ;-)

The Perfect Husband...

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.

A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs.1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs7,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking

Rs.11,50,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 11,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50

thousand. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

He smiles and asks:

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"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?"
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A Hen Lays Egg on the Ind-Pak Boundary.

Both start fighting over the
Egg. India and Pakistan say its theirs.
Finally India says, whoever kisses more women in other country within
one minute wins the Egg. Pakistanis say ok.

Indians goes to pakistan kisses 100 women within a minute and comes
back.
Pakistanis were excited and say "Its our turn".
Indians say
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"Keep the Egg"
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A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.

"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."
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Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him
for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the
beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he
realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts
with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him.

He told the beggar, 'I do not have money, But if you tell me what you
want to do with the money, I will certainly help you.' 'I would have
bought a cup of tea', replied the beggar. The man said, 'Sorry man. I
can offer you a cigarette instead of tea'. He then took a pack of
cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The beggar
told, 'I don't smoke as it is injurious to health.'

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told
the beggar, 'Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is Really
good'. The beggar refused by saying, 'Alcohol muddles the brain and
damages the liver'.

The man smiled again told the beggar, 'I am going to the race course.
Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets.
If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone'. As before, the
beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, 'Sorry sir, I can't come
with you as betting on horses is a bad habit.'

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his
home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of
receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts
and asked the man, 'Why do you want me to go to your house with you'.

The man replied, 'My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad
habits looks like.'