Tuesday, September 22, 2009

FW: Has this happened to you !!!!!


few days back I slept at 11:30 in the ni8 and woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 9.15 hours and laughed at myself when I realised abt that. 

One from me too... 
Just after our training completion in Mysore Dc and postings to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants.. 
And as I finished.. I started walking towards the Basin with plates in my hand.. :) 

Jus to add... 
Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "why is she not attending the status call?" 

I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way. 
Till I realize - I am at home.

And keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me...............I jus forget that we have to turn on and off the tap........... 

I was about to throw my hanky into the bin after drying my hand. 

Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the door with the keys. 

Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whr I want 250mg r 500mg.....suddenly I replied as 256mg...lol....thank god he didn't noticed tht....

Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV. 

And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the silver screen! 

The other day I was hearing one guy talking of a "Standalone" house.. when he was actually intending a independent house... Poor broker shud have tuff time trying to find a " Alone house standing in a huge empty area... " 

You may like to add to it if it happened to you as well someday….

Thursday, September 17, 2009

FW: Riddles For You To Solve



Riddles For You To Solve


Put your thinking caps on for these 5 Riddles.






The 5 Riddles....



1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?



2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?



3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?



4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?


5. This is an unusual paragraph.  I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it.  It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it.  In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though.  Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd.  But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!














Do Not Cheat













































1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.

That one was easy, right?


2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).


3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.


4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!


5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.




Chintu ki Kavita ... !!! - Good One

Pareshaan thi Chintu ki wife
Non-happening thi jo uski life
Chintu ko na milta tha aaram
Office main karta kaam hi kaam

Chintu ke boss bhi the bade cool
Promotion ko har baar jate the bhul
Par bhulte nahi the wo deadline
Kaam to karwate the roz till nine

Chintu bhi banna chata tha best
Isliye to wo nahi karta tha rest
Din raat karta wo boss ki gulami
Onsite ke ummid main deta salami

Din guzre aur guzre fir saal
Bura hota gaya Chintu ka haal
Chintu ko ab kuch yaad na rehta tha
Galti se Biwi ko Behenji kehta tha

Aakhir ek din Chintu ko samjh aaya
Aur chod di usne Onsite ki moh maya
Boss se bola, "Tum kyon satate ho ?"
"Onsite ke laddu se buddu banate ho"

"Promotion do warna chala jaunga"
"Onsite dene par bhi wapis na aunga"
Boss haans ke bola "Nahi koi baat"
"Abhi aur bhi Chintus hai mere paas"

"Yeh duniya Chintuon se bhari hai"
"Sabko bas aage badhne ki padi hai"
"Tum na karoge to kisi aur se karunga"
"Tumhari tarah Ek aur Chintu banaunga"


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

FW: ????????:

निम्नलिखित लेख उस छात्र की कॉपी से लिया गया है, जिसे निबंध लेखन
प्रतियोगिता में पहला पुरस्कार मिला है। निबध का विषय था - फ्लाईओवर।

फ्लाईओवर का जीवन में बहुत महत्व है, खास तौर पर इंजीनियरों और ठेकेदारों
के जीवन में तो घणा ही महत्व है। एक फ्लाईओवर से न जाने कितनी कोठियां
निकल आती हैं। पश्चिम जगत के इंजीनियर भले ही इसे न समझें कि भारत में यह
कमाल होता है कि पुल से कोठियां निकल आती हैं और फ्लाईओवर से फार्महाउस।

खैर, फ्लाईओवर से हमें जीवन के कई पाठ मिलते हैं, जैसे बंदा कई बार
घुमावदार फ्लाईओवर पर चले, तो पता चलता है कि जहां से शुरुआत की थी, वहीं
पर पहुंच गए हैं। उदाहरण के लिए ऑल इंडिया इंस्टिट्यूट ऑफ मेडिकल साइंसेज
के पास के फ्लाईओवर में बंदा कई बार जहां से शुरू करे, वहीं पहुंच जाता
है। वैसे, यह लाइफ का सत्य है, कई बार बरसों चलते -चलते यह पता चलता है
कि कहीं पहुंचे ही नहीं।

फ्लाईओवर जब नए-नए बनते हैं, तो एकाध महीने ट्रैफिक स्मूद रहता है, फिर
वही हाल हो लेता है। जैसे आश्रम में अब फ्लाईओवर पर जाम लगता है, यानी अब
फ्लाईओवर पर फ्लाईओवर की जरूरत है। फिर उस फ्लाईओवर के फ्लाईओवर के
फ्लाईओवर पर भी फ्लाईओवर चाहिए होगा। हो सकता है कि कुछ समय बाद फ्लाईओवर
अथॉरिटी ऑफ इंडिया ही बन जाए। इसमें कुछ और अफसरों की पोस्टिंग का जुगाड़
हो जाएगा। तब हम कह सकेंगे कि फ्लाईओवरों का अफसरों के जीवन में भी घणा
महत्व है।

दिल्ली में इन दिनों फ्लाईओवरों की धूम है। इधर से फ्लाईओवर, उधर से
फ्लाईओवर। फ्लाईओवर बनने के चक्कर में विकट जाम हो रहे हैं। दिल्ली
गाजियाबाद अप्सरा बॉर्डर के जाम में फंसकर धैर्य और संयम जैसे गुणों का
विकास हो जाता है, ऑटोमैटिक। व्यग्र और उग्र लोगों का एक ट्रीटमेंट यह है
कि उन्हें अप्सरा बॉर्डर के जाम में छोड़ दिया जाए।

फ्लाईओवर बनने से पहले जाम फ्लाईओवर के नीचे लगते हैं, फिर फ्लाईओवर बनने
के बाद जाम ऊपर लगने शुरू हो जाते हैं। इससे हमें भौतिकी के उस नियम का
पता चलता है कि कहीं कुछ नहीं बदलता, फ्लाईओवर का उद्देश्य इतना भर रहता
है कि वह जाम को नीचे से ऊपर की ओर ले आता है, ताकि नीचे वाले जाम के लिए
रास्ता प्रशस्त किया जा सके।

फ्लाईओवरों का भविष्य उज्जवल है। कुछ समय बाद यह सीन होगा कि जैसे डबल
डेकर बस होती है, वैसे डबल डेकर फ्लाईओवर भी होंगे। डबल ही क्यों,
ट्रिपल, फाइव डेकर फ्लाईओवर भी हो सकते हैं। दिल्ली वाले तब अपना एड्रेस
यूं बताएंगे - आश्रम के पांचवें लेवल के फ्लाईओवर के ठीक सामने जो फ्लैट
पड़ता है, वो मेरा है। कभी जाम में फंस जाएं, तो कॉल कर देना, डोरी में
टांग कर चाय लटका दूंगा। संवाद कुछ इस तरह के होंगे - अबे कहां रहता है
आजकल रोज अपने फ्लैट से पांचवें लेवल का जाम देखता हूं, तेरी कार नहीं
दिखती। सामने वाला बताएगा - आजकल मैं चौथे लेवल के फ्लाईओवर में फंसता
हूं। अबे पांचवें लेवल के जाम में फंसा कर, वहां हवा अच्छी लगती है। अबे,
ले मैं तेरे ऊपर ही था, पांचवें वाले लेवल पर और तू चौथे लेवल पर, कॉल कर
देता, तो झांककर बात कर लेता

Sunday, September 13, 2009


 I met this guy who has
a motto he lives by everyday. He said ' listen carefully and
live by these 4 rules: Drink, Steal, Swear, & Lie.'

I was shaking my head 'no', but he then told me to listen
while he explained his four rules. So here they are:

1.. 'Drink' from the 'everlasting cup' every day.

2.. 'Steal' a moment to help someone that
is in worse shape than you are.

3.. 'Swear' that you will be a better
person today than yesterday.

4.. And last, but not least, when you 'lie' down at night
thank God you live in a country where you have religious freedom.

I am not as good as I should be, I am not as good
as I could be. but THANK GOD
I am better than I used to be !

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Joke of the day


The year is 2020 and India’s much awaited MAN-ON-THE-MOON mission is successful. The first Indian astronaut lands on the moon. The moment he steps his foot on moon he is shocked to see 2 Indians already present on the moon.

The astronaut asks them : “Who are u?”


“Cameraman Santosh ke saath Deepak Chourasiya…...AAJ TAK"


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

FW: the new MPID

DO you have MPID number !!

Nandan Nilekani can do it.....Fully integrated ID card system

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card numberfirst, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year.  That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. ."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"


In the hospital

Anyone who has ever had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy this:
A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
"Sarah Finkel, room 302."
I'll connect you with the nursing station."
"3rd floor Nursing Station. How can I help You?"
"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."
"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."
The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic .. that's wonderful news!"
The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"
"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me a thing."