Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Really Call Centre ...... ...!!!!!

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".

Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".

Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".

Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Samsung Electronics

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".

Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC
wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

RAC Motoring Services

Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling inAustralia ?"

Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):

"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Directory Enquiries

Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".

Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"

Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ".

Monday, April 28, 2008

FW: Great one

Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.

The problem was who should get custody of the child????
Wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor! I brought the child into this world With pain and labor. She should be in my custody."
The judge turns to Husband and says "What do you have to say in your Defense?"
The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.  "Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out.

Whose Pepsi is it? The machine's or mine?"
Yeh sunke...Wife replied : "Judge sahab...bartan mera...doodh bhi mera...aur Usme dahi jamane ke liye agar usne 2 boond dahi daala tau fir Dahi kiska..? Mera ya do boond dalane vale ka"
Husband replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz Maine dala, keys daba-daba kar Mehnat Maine ki, fir chithi kiski? Typewriter ki ya meri?"
Frustrated Judge: "Agar Tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati."

School days.....

Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in English, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------

Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------

Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------

Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------

Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------

Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------------

Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."

------------ --------- --------- -------

Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)

------------ --------- --------- -------


Utho lal


 Utho lal ab aankhein kholo
paani laayi mu dho lo
beeti raat kamal dal phule 

jinke upar bhaware jhule
chidhiya chahak uthi paedo par
behne lagi hawa aati sunder
Nabh mein nyari lali chaayee
Dharti ne pyari chavi paayi
aisa sundar samay na kho
mere pyare ab mat so

Mistake kiya kya.....!!!!

Dear All ......


  If a barber makes a mistake,

  It's a        new style          


  If a driver makes a mistake,

  It is an

New path


  If a engineer makes a mistake,

  It is a  new venTURe


If parents makes a mistake,

  It is a

new generation


  If a politician makes a mistake,

  It is a

new LAW


  If a scientist makes a mistake,

  It is a



  If a tailor makes a mistake,

  It is a

new Fashion


  If a teacher makes a mistake ,

  It is a

new Theory


  If our boss makes a mistake,

  It is a                                         New idea



  If an employee makes a mistake,

  It is a








Six reasons not to mess with children-just Fantastic.

6 reasons not to mess with children.


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah.'

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him.'


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.

She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor'.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE. God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'


Sunday, April 27, 2008

Love marriage vs Arrange marriage

Love Marriage

Arranged Marriage

procedural programming language. We have some set of functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

Similar to
object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Family system hangs because hardware (called
Parents ) is not responding.

Compatible with hardware

You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.

All these features are covered in the SRS (System Req. Specification) as required features.

Love Marriage is like
Windows , beautiful n seductive.... Yet one never knows when it will crash.... if crashes that's the end

Arranged Marriage is like
Unix.... Boring n colorless... but still extremely reliable n robust. May crash but easy to recover







Subject:- Globalisation ! !
Question:- What is the truest definition of Globalisation ?
Answer:- Princess Diana's death.
Question :- How come ?

Answer:- An English princess, with an Egyptian boy friend, crashes in a French
tunnel, driving a German car, with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian, who was
drunk on Scottish whisky, ( check the bottle before you change the spelling )
followed by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American
doctor, using Brazilian medicines, This is sent to you by an Indian using
Bill Gate's technology, and u r probably reading this on your comp. that
uses Taiwanese chips, and Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers,
in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck drivers.




Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A song on Bill Gates


                                                                            BILL TO PAGAL HAI

Billl To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....

Achhe Bure Softwares Banata Hai Yahi,
Hasata He Yahi, Rulata Hai,
Usme Phir 'Bugs' Daalta Hain Wohi,
Aur Solutions Bhi Nikalta Hai,

Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....

Is Bill Ki Baton Mein Jo Aate Hain,
Woto Oolloo Ban Jate Hain,
Software To Dusare Bhi Banate Hain,
Banake Magar Kho Jate Hain,

Hmmm Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....

Softwares Ko Main Na Pehchanoonga,
Working Bhi Na Mein Uski Janoonga,
Microsoft Ka Logo Bass Mein Dekhoonga,
Bill Jo Kahega Wohi Manoonga.

Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....

Bill Ka Kehna Hum Sab Maane,
Bill Na Kisi Ki Maane,
Uski Strategy Jaan Li Hamne,
Ek Wohi Na Jaane.

Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....

Chhoro Ye Bill Sab Kahaniya,
Bugs Ki Hain Sab Nishaniya,
Programmers Ki Sari Pareshaniya,
Is Bill Ki Hain Ye Meherbaniya.

Hmmm Bill To Pagal Hai....
Bill Deewana Hai.....


Scrabble Genius

Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

                              DILIP VENGSARKAR
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                               SPARKLING DRIVE

                               PRINCESS DIANA
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                              END IS A CAR SPIN

                               MONICA LEWINSKY
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                              NICE SILKY WOMAN

                       When you rearrange the letters:
                                 DIRTY ROO M

                       When you rearrange the letters:
                                 MOON STARER

                        When you rearrange the letters:
                               A ROPE ENDS IT

                                  THE EYES:
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                                  THEY SEE

                              A DECIMAL POINT:
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                              IM A DOT IN PLACE

                          AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

                       When you rearrange the letters:
                                WOMAN HITLER


[Top 25 Success Quotations]











































































Sunday, April 13, 2008

Good morning

Girls confidence

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

She says: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A.


Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14.

When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you"

The boyfriend says: "Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"

"Oh my God! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"


Are you tensed ?

Love Marriage VS Arranged Marriage - The IT Perspective













Friday, April 11, 2008

Why does a relationship fail?

Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present..
Its just that,
One loves too much,
The other loves too many.



Excellent -story

    The train has started moving. It is packed with people of all ages,

mostly with the working men and women and young college guys and gals.

Near the window, seated a old man with his 30 year old son.

As the train moves by, the son is overwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled

with the scenery outside..
      " See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful"
This behavior from a thirty year old son made the other people feel strange about him.

Every one started murmuring something or other about this son.

"This guy seems to be a krack.." newly married Anup whispered to his wife.
       Suddenly it started raining... Rain drops fell on the travellers through the opened window.

The Thirty year old son , filled with  joy " see dad, how beautiful the rain is .."
      Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.
      Anup ," cant you see its raining, you old man, if ur son is not feeling well

get him soon to a mental asylum..and dont disturb public henceforth"    
The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied

" we are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning ,

he was a blind by birth, last week only he got his vision, 

these rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused..."
The things we see may be right from our perspective until we know the truth.

But when we know the truth our reaction to that will hurt even us.

So try to understand the problem better before taking a harsh action.