Mom is the Best

A very beautiful

msg for all

One liners -- Hidden meanings in Company talk

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS
1."We will do it" means "You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the
same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done
"At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I
have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will
talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension
of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver
on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually
fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help
you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me
earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you
where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just
ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything
about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Krishan ji Kalyug main..

Tune 18 saal ki umar me mama Kans ko mara,
BIN LADEN ko hath laga kar to dikha …
Tune Arjun ko to Saari Geeta sunayee,
Mere Project Manager se ek baar baat kar ke to dikha …
Tune to Arjun ka Sarathi banke Pandavon ko jitaaya
Indian Cricket team ka Coach ban ke WorldCup jitaake to dikha …
Tune bhari mehfil mein draupadi ko saree pehnai,
Mallika sherawat ko ek jodi kapde pehna ke to dikha …
Tune gokul ki 1600 gopiyan patai,
Meri college ki sirf ek ladki ko pata kar to dikha …
Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha …

Ultimate Shayari

Yoon hum ko sataane ki zaroorat kya thi,

Dil mera jalaane ki zaroorat kya thi.

Jo nahi tha ishq to keh diya hota,

Dil toor ke jaane ki zaroorat kya thi.

Maloom tha gar yeh khwaab toot jayenge,

Neend mein aa kar uthaane ki zaroorat kya thi.

Ishq par lagti rahegi har daur mein paabandi,

Ashiq ko majboor banaane ki zaroorat kya thi.

Maan loo gar yeh yak tarfa mohabbat thi,

Mujh ko dekh kar muskuraane ki zaroorat kya thi....

PARDESH

मेरे मन ये बता दे तू
किस ओर चला है तू ?
क्या पाया नहीं तूने ?
क्या ढ़ूंढ़ रहा है तू ?

जो है अनकही , जो है अनसुनी, वो बात क्या है बता ?
मितवा ऽऽऽऽऽऽ, कहें धड़कनें तुझसे क्या, मितवा ऽऽऽऽऽऽऽऽऽ, ये खुद से तो ना तू छुपा

जीवन डगर में, प्रेम नगर में
आया नजर में जब से कोई है
तू सोचता है! तू पूछता है !
जिसकी कमी थी, क्या ये वही है ?
हाँ ये वही है, हाँ ये वही है ऽऽऽऽऽऽऽऽ
तू इक प्यासा और ये नदी हैऽऽऽ
काहे नहीं, इसको तू, खुल के बताये
जो है अनकही .................ना तू छुपा

तेरी निगाहें पा गयी राहें
पर तू ये सोचे जाऊँ ना जाऊँ
ये जिंदगी जो, है नाचती तो
क्यूँ बेड़ियों में हैं तेरे पाँव?
प्रीत की धुन पर नाच ले पागलऽऽऽऽ
उड़ता अगर है, उड़ने दे आंचलऽ
काहे कोई, अपने को, ऐसे तरसाए
जो है अनकही .................ना तू छुपा

प्रीत की लत मोहे ऐसी लागी

हो गई मैं मतवारी
बलि बलि जाऊँ अपने पिया को
कि मैं जाऊँ वारी वारी
मोहे सुध बुध ना रही तन मन की
ये तो जाने दुनिया सारी
बेबस और लाचार फिरूँ मैं
हारी मैं दिल हारी..हारी मैं दिल हारी..

तेरे नाम से जी लूँ, तेरे नाम से मर जाऊँ..
तेरे जान के सदके में कुछ ऐसा कर जाऊँ
तूने क्या कर डाला ,मर गई मैं, मिट गई मैं
हो री...हाँ री..हो गई मैं दीवानी दीवानी

इश्क जुनूं जब हद से बढ़ जाए
हँसते-हँसते आशिक सूली चढ़ जाए
इश्क का जादू सर चढ़कर बोले
खूब लगा दो पहरे, रस्ते रब खोले
यही इश्क दी मर्जी है, यही रब दी मर्जी है,
तूने क्या कर डाला ,मर गई मैं, मिट गई मैं
हो री...हाँ री..हो गई मैं दीवानी दीवानी

कि मैं रंग-रंगीली दीवानी
कि मैं अलबेली मैं मस्तानी
गाऊँ बजाऊँ सबको रिझाऊँ
कि मैं दीन धरम से बेगानी
की मैं दीवानी, मैं दीवानी

तेरे नाम से जी लूँ, तेरे नाम से मर जाऊँ..
तेरे जान के सदके में कुछ ऐसा कर जाऊँ
तूने क्या कर डाला ,मर गई मैं, मिट गई मैं
हो री...हाँ री..हो गई मैं दीवानी दीवानी

OMKARA

ना गिलाफ, ना लिहाफ
ठंडी हवा भी खिलाफ ससुरी
इतनी सर्दी है किसी का लिहाफ लइ ले
ओ जा पड़ोसी के चूल्हे से आग लइ ले
बीड़ी जलइ ले, जिगर से पिया
जिगर मा बड़ी आग है...

धुआँ ना निकारी ओ लब से पिया, अह्हा
धुआँ ना निकारी ओ लब से पिया
ये दुनिया बड़ी घाघ है
बीड़ी जलइ ले, जिगर से पिया
जिगर मा बड़ी आग है...

ना कसूर, ना फतूर
बिना जुलुम के हुजूर
मर गई, हो मर गई,
ऐसे इक दिन दुपहरी बुलाई लियो रे
बाँध घुंघरू कचहरी लगाइ लियो रे
बुलाई लियो रे बुलाई लियो रे
लगाई लियो रे कचहरी
अंगीठी जरई ले, जिगर से पिया
जिगर मा बड़ी आग है....

ना तो चक्कुओं की धार
ना दराती ना कटार
ऐसा काटे कि दाँत का निशान छोड़ दे
जे कटाई तो कोई भी किसान छोड़ दे
ओ ऐसे जालिम का छोड़ दे मकान छोड़ दे
रे बिल्लो, जालिम का छोड़ दे मकान छोड़ दे

ना बुलाया, ना बताया
मारे नींद से जगाया हाए रे
ऐसा चौंकी की हाथ में नसीब आ गया
वो इलयची खिलई के करीब आ गया

कोयला जलइ ले, जिगर से पिया
जिगर मा बड़ी आग है

वो लोग बहुत खुशकिस्मत थे

वो लोग बहुत खुशकिस्मत थे
जो इश्क को काम समझते थे
या काम से आशिकी करते थे
हम जीते जी मशरूफ* रहे
कुछ इश्क किया कुछ काम किया
काम इश्क के आड़े आता रहा
और इश्क से काम उलझता रहा
फिर आखिर तंग आकर हमने
दोनों को अधूरा छोड़ दिया

ये चाँद भी क्या हसीं सितम ढाता है
बचपन में मामा और जवानी में सनम नजर आता है

ऐ चाँद खूबसूरत !
ऐ आसमां के तारे
तुम मेरे संग जमीं पर थोड़ी सी रात गुजारो
कुछ अपनी तुम कहो
कुछ लो मेरी खबर
हो जाए दोस्ती कट जाए ये सफर

आदमी बुलबुला है पानी का
और पानी की बहती सतह पर टूटता भी है डूबता भी है
फिर उभरता है फिर से बहता है
ना समंदर निगल सका इसको , ना तवारीख तोड़ पाई है
वक्त की मौज पर सदा बहता
आदमी बुलबुला है पानी का

क्या बतायें कि जां गई कैसे ?
फिर से दोहरायें वो घड़ी कैसे ?

किसने रस्ते में चाँद रखा था
मुझको ठोकर वहाँ लगी कैसे ?

वक्त पे पाँव कब रखा हमने
जिंदगी मुँह के बल गिरी कैसे ?

आँख तो भर गई थी पानी से
तेरी तसवीर जल गई कैसे ?

हम तो अब याद भी नहीं करते
आपको हिचकी लग गई कैसे ?

तुम इतना जो मुस्करा रहे हो
क्या गम है जिसको छुपा रहे हो

आँखों में नमी हँसी लबों पर
क्या हाल है क्या दिखा रहे हो

Colours Of India

Key to Success

Hindi Panktiyan

Appraisal report from PL

Dear Manager (HR),
Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in hi s field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.

Signed - Project Leader

NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote thereport sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13) for my true assessment of him

A troublesome User

Dear Tech Support Team,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever
selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User,
This is a very common problem that people complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files
from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) ..

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear"
to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryBeautyful 3.3. This application is not supported by
Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of Luck,
Tech Support ...

Ultimate Message

Kids think quick

kids Think Quick TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA : Here it is! TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS : Maria! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank? FRANK : Because of the sign. TEACHER : What sign? FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER : No, that's wrong GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD : H I J K L M N O!! TEACHER : What are you talking about? DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE : Me! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty? GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I." MILLIE : I is... TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am." MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?" LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!; __________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD : A teacher.

Good Morning

Good Morning

I hope today finds you living to the fullest of your ability...
With a smile on your face,
And laughter in your heart,
And not a single trace,
Of sadness or harm.
I hope you find the time,
To take a moment just for you,
To relax and unwind,
Doing things you like to do.
Have a wonderful morning n a nice day ahead....!!! rceID:NT00003E36
ForwardSourceID:NT00003562

BCCI IS HIRING FRESHERS 2007.................

Vacancies 1) Captain (P-001), 2) Vice Captain (P-002), 3) Coach (P-003) and 4) Team Members (P-004) Eligibility Criteria We are looking for Audience who have consistently watched all the world cup matches and who have scored over 65 runs in Room Cricket & Street Cricket Experience in Football, Volley ball is an added advantage …. Models, Actors (Advertisements) are most preferable….. LKG & UKG Teachers are preferable for the post of coach. Selection Process 1. Batting Test (Vs Bermuda) (Candidate must score at least 50 runs ) 2. Bowling/Fielding Test (Candidate should not bowl more than 3 wides /no balls in an Over) 3. HR Interview (Candidates will be called upon for the selection process based on the Eligibility Criteria) Send ur resumes with subject Name/Post/Max runs scored E.g. Dhoni/P-004/37 to callforcric@bcci.com Venue : YMCA Grounds , nandanam Natesan Park , T.Nagar Date: 01-Apr-2007 Reference Books: 1) “Aap bhi Batsman ban sakte hein!” by Munaf Patel 2) “Cricket in 21 days “ by Navjot Singh Buddhu 3) “From Losing a match to Murdering a coach“ by Inzamam 5) "The complete cricket manual" by Mandira

This is what politics is all about.......V Funny

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.After his talk he

offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand and George asks

him

what his name is.

"Bob".



"And what is your question, Bob?"



"I have 3 questions.



First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?



Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?



And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?"





Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies

that they will continue after recess.



When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?



Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"





A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and

asks

him what his name is?



"Steve"



"And what is your question, Steve?"



"I have 5 questions.



First, Why did the USA invade Iraqwithout the support of the UN?



Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?



Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?



Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!



And fifth, Where is "Bob" ??!!!!
ForwardSourceID:NT000060F6
ForwardSourceID:NT0001209A
ForwardSourceID:NT00006B22

गरीबी ने किया गंजा नहीं तो चांद पर जाता!

तुम्हारी मांग भरने को सितारे तोडकर लाता!
बहा डाले तुम्हारी याद में आंसू कई गैलन!
अगर तुम फोन न करती तो यहां सैलाब आ जाता!
तुम्हारे नाम की चिट्ठियां तुम्हारे बाप ने खोली!
उसे उर्दू अगर आती तो वो कच्चा चबा जाता!
तुम्हारी बेवफाई से बना हूं टॉप का शायर!
तुम्हारे इश्क में पड़ता तो सीधा आगरा जाता!

कभी उनकी याद आती है कभी उनके ख्व़ाब आते हैं

मुझे सताने के सलीके तो उन्हें बेहिसाब आते हैं

कयामत देखनी हो गर चले जाना उस महफिल में
सुना है उस महफिल में वो बेनकाब आते हैं

कई सदियों में आती है कोई सूरत हसीं इतनी
हुस्न पर हर रोज कहां ऐसे श़बाब आते हैं

रौशनी के वास्ते तो उनका नूर ही काफी है
उनके दीदार को आफ़ताब और माहताब आते हैं