Monday, April 28, 2008

FW: Great one

Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.

The problem was who should get custody of the child????
Wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor! I brought the child into this world With pain and labor. She should be in my custody."
The judge turns to Husband and says "What do you have to say in your Defense?"
The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.  "Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out.

Whose Pepsi is it? The machine's or mine?"
Yeh sunke...Wife replied : "Judge sahab...bartan mera...doodh bhi mera...aur Usme dahi jamane ke liye agar usne 2 boond dahi daala tau fir Dahi kiska..? Mera ya do boond dalane vale ka"
Husband replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz Maine dala, keys daba-daba kar Mehnat Maine ki, fir chithi kiski? Typewriter ki ya meri?"
Frustrated Judge: "Agar Tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati."

School days.....

Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in English, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.

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Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.

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Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

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Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?

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Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday

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Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

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Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."

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Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)

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Utho lal


 Utho lal ab aankhein kholo
paani laayi mu dho lo
beeti raat kamal dal phule 

jinke upar bhaware jhule
chidhiya chahak uthi paedo par
behne lagi hawa aati sunder
Nabh mein nyari lali chaayee
Dharti ne pyari chavi paayi
aisa sundar samay na kho
mere pyare ab mat so

Mistake kiya kya.....!!!!

Dear All ......


  If a barber makes a mistake,

  It's a        new style          


  If a driver makes a mistake,

  It is an

New path


  If a engineer makes a mistake,

  It is a  new venTURe


If parents makes a mistake,

  It is a

new generation


  If a politician makes a mistake,

  It is a

new LAW


  If a scientist makes a mistake,

  It is a



  If a tailor makes a mistake,

  It is a

new Fashion


  If a teacher makes a mistake ,

  It is a

new Theory


  If our boss makes a mistake,

  It is a                                         New idea



  If an employee makes a mistake,

  It is a








Six reasons not to mess with children-just Fantastic.

6 reasons not to mess with children.


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah.'

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him.'


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.

She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor'.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE. God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'