FW: Good Jokes are Back..

 

BOY to girl : Tu hi to jannat meri,Tu hi mera junon or kuch na janu mae bas itna hi janu, Tujme RAB dikhta hai YARA mae kya kru?? Girl: Mattha tek or Dafaa ho. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOVE V/S EXAM LOVE:lots of thoughts in mind but no guts to express EXAMS:lots of guts to express but no thoughts in mind  J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What is the height of Flirting? ? ? When your love letter starts with "TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN". J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GIRL- Jaan mujhey aise propose karo jaise kisi ne na kiya ho. BOY(slapped her, and said) - "kamini, I luv u, mujhsay shaadi karke mujhey tabah kar de" J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After robbing the Bank, robber to clerk: Did u see me robbing? CLERK : Yes. Robber shot him dead & asked the next clerk: Did u? SECOND CLERK : No, But my wife saw u!  J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Banta baar me ro raha tha. TENDER : Kyo ro rahe ho? BANTA : Aur kya karu?? Jis ladki ko bhulana chahta hun, uska naam hi yaad nahi aa raha.  J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BOY : Ae bewafa tune mera dil jala diya, Dil jalke rakh ho gaya . GIRL : Teri kurbani barbad nahi jayegi, raakh idhar bhej de bartan dhone ke kaam ayegi.....! J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A BOY said to a girL: come into my heart GIRL said: sandal nikalu kiya? BOY said: hatt pagli mera dil mandir thodhi na hai sandal pehenke hi aa jao,  J ok. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EK AADMI ROZ SUBHA PED KI DALI PE CHADH K BAITH JATA THA, PUCHO KYU? ? ? ? BECHARA MBA KARKE PAGAL HO GAYA THA, APNE APKO BRANCH MANAGER SAMJHTA THA...

FW: Eating Fruits & heart attack

 

 

EATING FRUITS ........   It's long but very informative   We all think eating fruits means just buying fruits, cutting it and just popping it into our mouths.. It's not as easy as you think. It's important to know how and when to eat..   What is the correct way of eating fruits?   IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUITS AFTER YOUR MEALS!  FRUITS SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.   If you eat fruit like that, it will play a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.   FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD. Let's say you eat two slices of bread and then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it is prevented from doing so.   In the meantime the whole meal rots and ferments and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.   ; So please eat your fruits on an empty stomach or before your meals! You have heard people complaining - every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats up, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet etc - actually all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. The fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat!   Graying hair, balding, nervous outburst, and dark circles under the eyes all these will not happen if you take fruits on an empty stomach.   There is no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruits become alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits, you have the Secret of beauty, longevity, health, energy, happiness and normal weight.   When you need to drink fruit juice - drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans. Don't even drink juice that has been heated up. Don't eat cooked fruits because you don't get the nutrients at all. You only get to taste. Cooking destroys all the vitamins.   But eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit fast to cleanse your body. Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look!   KIWI: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E & fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.   APPLE: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.   STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.   ORANGE : Sweetest medicine. Taking 2-4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessens the risk of colon cancer.   WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are vitamin C & Potassium.   GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene; this is good for your eyes.   Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer! Can you believe this? For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup,warm water or warm beer after a meal.  A serious note about heart attacks HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE': (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!) Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack . Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive...   A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.  Read this..It could save your life!!

FW: Dilbert's One liners.....Good one

 

 

 

Here are some nice Dilbert's one liners: 1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen. 2. A friend in need is a pest indeed. 3.  Try & try, if you don't succeed, then CHEAT 4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time. 5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane. 6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.. 7. Born free, taxed to death. 8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. 9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first. 10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. 12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere. 13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork. 14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. 15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. 16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it. 17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? 18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one? 19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon! 20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.   21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end. 22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers 24. Someday is not a day of the week 25. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. 26.. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy. 27. The road to success.... Is always under construction.. 28. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk. 29. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it. and here's the best of the lot       30. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or in love with someone else!

 

FW: Has this happened to you !!!!!

 

Ashok 
few days back I slept at 11:30 in the ni8 and woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 9.15 hours and laughed at myself when I realised abt that. 

Jyotsna 
One from me too... 
Just after our training completion in Mysore Dc and postings to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants.. 
And as I finished.. I started walking towards the Basin with plates in my hand.. :) 

Abhijeet 
Jus to add... 
Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "why is she not attending the status call?" 

Anup 
I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way. 
Till I realize - I am at home. 

Rohit 
And keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me...............I jus forget that we have to turn on and off the tap........... 

Farina 
I was about to throw my hanky into the bin after drying my hand. 

Bhabani 
Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the door with the keys. 

Sandeep 
Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whr I want 250mg r 500mg.....suddenly I replied as 256mg...lol....thank god he didn't noticed tht.... 

Ashwin 
Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV. 

Vidyarthi 
And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the silver screen! 

Satya 
The other day I was hearing one guy talking of a "Standalone" house.. when he was actually intending a independent house... Poor broker shud have tuff time trying to find a " Alone house standing in a huge empty area... " 

You may like to add to it if it happened to you as well someday….

FW: Riddles For You To Solve

 

 

Riddles For You To Solve   Put your thinking caps on for these 5 Riddles.     THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I HAVE SEEN....THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM.  RIDDLE #5 IS AMAZING.  IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS!!     The 5 Riddles....     1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?     2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?     3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?     4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?   5. This is an unusual paragraph.  I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it.  It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it.  In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though.  Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd.  But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!       *   *   *   *   *   Do Not Cheat   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *                     THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:   1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right?   2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).   3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.   4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!   5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

 

Chintu ki Kavita ... !!! - Good One

 

 

Pareshaan thi Chintu ki wife
Non-happening thi jo uski life
Chintu ko na milta tha aaram
Office main karta kaam hi kaam

Chintu ke boss bhi the bade cool
Promotion ko har baar jate the bhul
Par bhulte nahi the wo deadline
Kaam to karwate the roz till nine

Chintu bhi banna chata tha best
Isliye to wo nahi karta tha rest
Din raat karta wo boss ki gulami
Onsite ke ummid main deta salami

Din guzre aur guzre fir saal
Bura hota gaya Chintu ka haal
Chintu ko ab kuch yaad na rehta tha
Galti se Biwi ko Behenji kehta tha

Aakhir ek din Chintu ko samjh aaya
Aur chod di usne Onsite ki moh maya
Boss se bola, "Tum kyon satate ho ?"
"Onsite ke laddu se buddu banate ho"

"Promotion do warna chala jaunga"
"Onsite dene par bhi wapis na aunga"
Boss haans ke bola "Nahi koi baat"
"Abhi aur bhi Chintus hai mere paas"

"Yeh duniya Chintuon se bhari hai"
"Sabko bas aage badhne ki padi hai"
"Tum na karoge to kisi aur se karunga"
"Tumhari tarah Ek aur Chintu banaunga"

(WAKE UP CHINTU)

FW: ????????:

निम्नलिखित लेख उस छात्र की कॉपी से लिया गया है, जिसे निबंध लेखन
प्रतियोगिता में पहला पुरस्कार मिला है। निबध का विषय था - फ्लाईओवर।

फ्लाईओवर का जीवन में बहुत महत्व है, खास तौर पर इंजीनियरों और ठेकेदारों
के जीवन में तो घणा ही महत्व है। एक फ्लाईओवर से न जाने कितनी कोठियां
निकल आती हैं। पश्चिम जगत के इंजीनियर भले ही इसे न समझें कि भारत में यह
कमाल होता है कि पुल से कोठियां निकल आती हैं और फ्लाईओवर से फार्महाउस।

खैर, फ्लाईओवर से हमें जीवन के कई पाठ मिलते हैं, जैसे बंदा कई बार
घुमावदार फ्लाईओवर पर चले, तो पता चलता है कि जहां से शुरुआत की थी, वहीं
पर पहुंच गए हैं। उदाहरण के लिए ऑल इंडिया इंस्टिट्यूट ऑफ मेडिकल साइंसेज
के पास के फ्लाईओवर में बंदा कई बार जहां से शुरू करे, वहीं पहुंच जाता
है। वैसे, यह लाइफ का सत्य है, कई बार बरसों चलते -चलते यह पता चलता है
कि कहीं पहुंचे ही नहीं।

फ्लाईओवर जब नए-नए बनते हैं, तो एकाध महीने ट्रैफिक स्मूद रहता है, फिर
वही हाल हो लेता है। जैसे आश्रम में अब फ्लाईओवर पर जाम लगता है, यानी अब
फ्लाईओवर पर फ्लाईओवर की जरूरत है। फिर उस फ्लाईओवर के फ्लाईओवर के
फ्लाईओवर पर भी फ्लाईओवर चाहिए होगा। हो सकता है कि कुछ समय बाद फ्लाईओवर
अथॉरिटी ऑफ इंडिया ही बन जाए। इसमें कुछ और अफसरों की पोस्टिंग का जुगाड़
हो जाएगा। तब हम कह सकेंगे कि फ्लाईओवरों का अफसरों के जीवन में भी घणा
महत्व है।

दिल्ली में इन दिनों फ्लाईओवरों की धूम है। इधर से फ्लाईओवर, उधर से
फ्लाईओवर। फ्लाईओवर बनने के चक्कर में विकट जाम हो रहे हैं। दिल्ली
गाजियाबाद अप्सरा बॉर्डर के जाम में फंसकर धैर्य और संयम जैसे गुणों का
विकास हो जाता है, ऑटोमैटिक। व्यग्र और उग्र लोगों का एक ट्रीटमेंट यह है
कि उन्हें अप्सरा बॉर्डर के जाम में छोड़ दिया जाए।

फ्लाईओवर बनने से पहले जाम फ्लाईओवर के नीचे लगते हैं, फिर फ्लाईओवर बनने
के बाद जाम ऊपर लगने शुरू हो जाते हैं। इससे हमें भौतिकी के उस नियम का
पता चलता है कि कहीं कुछ नहीं बदलता, फ्लाईओवर का उद्देश्य इतना भर रहता
है कि वह जाम को नीचे से ऊपर की ओर ले आता है, ताकि नीचे वाले जाम के लिए
रास्ता प्रशस्त किया जा सके।

फ्लाईओवरों का भविष्य उज्जवल है। कुछ समय बाद यह सीन होगा कि जैसे डबल
डेकर बस होती है, वैसे डबल डेकर फ्लाईओवर भी होंगे। डबल ही क्यों,
ट्रिपल, फाइव डेकर फ्लाईओवर भी हो सकते हैं। दिल्ली वाले तब अपना एड्रेस
यूं बताएंगे - आश्रम के पांचवें लेवल के फ्लाईओवर के ठीक सामने जो फ्लैट
पड़ता है, वो मेरा है। कभी जाम में फंस जाएं, तो कॉल कर देना, डोरी में
टांग कर चाय लटका दूंगा। संवाद कुछ इस तरह के होंगे - अबे कहां रहता है
आजकल रोज अपने फ्लैट से पांचवें लेवल का जाम देखता हूं, तेरी कार नहीं
दिखती। सामने वाला बताएगा - आजकल मैं चौथे लेवल के फ्लाईओवर में फंसता
हूं। अबे पांचवें लेवल के जाम में फंसा कर, वहां हवा अच्छी लगती है। अबे,
ले मैं तेरे ऊपर ही था, पांचवें वाले लेवल पर और तू चौथे लेवल पर, कॉल कर
देता, तो झांककर बात कर लेता

GOOD MESSAGE

 I met this guy who has
a motto he lives by everyday. He said ' listen carefully and
live by these 4 rules: Drink, Steal, Swear, & Lie.'

I was shaking my head 'no', but he then told me to listen
while he explained his four rules. So here they are:

1.. 'Drink' from the 'everlasting cup' every day.

2.. 'Steal' a moment to help someone that
is in worse shape than you are.

3.. 'Swear' that you will be a better
person today than yesterday.

4.. And last, but not least, when you 'lie' down at night
thank God you live in a country where you have religious freedom.


I am not as good as I should be, I am not as good
as I could be. but THANK GOD
I am better than I used to be !

Joke of the day

 

The year is 2020 and India’s much awaited MAN-ON-THE-MOON mission is successful. The first Indian astronaut lands on the moon. The moment he steps his foot on moon he is shocked to see 2 Indians already present on the moon.

 
The astronaut asks them : “Who are u?”

Reply:

“Cameraman Santosh ke saath Deepak Chourasiya…...AAJ TAK"

 

FW: the new MPID

DO you have MPID number !!

Nandan Nilekani can do it.....Fully integrated ID card system

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card numberfirst, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year.  That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. ."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"

Customer:[Faints]

In the hospital

Anyone who has ever had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy this:
A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
"Sarah Finkel, room 302."
I'll connect you with the nursing station."
"3rd floor Nursing Station. How can I help You?"
"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."
"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."
The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic .. that's wonderful news!"
The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"
"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me a thing."

FW: An Interesting Online Chat (Humor)

 

......................................................................................................................................... Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female -  (Online chat). (Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's) Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today? Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat Hero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee. Hero : OK (Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his desk ). Manager : Hey, I need some help from you Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me. Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening? Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening. Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place] (Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...) Female: Hey, am back Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, he's kinda..... Keeps asking stupid tings, tries to give me stupid work.... $*#&$@ Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!! Hero : Yep, u rite!! Female: Hey, can u do me a favor Hero : *smiles* sure, why not. Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out Hero : hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. Ok? Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM ...!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW !!

 

Nice one...i found on human relationships

To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married 

MARRIAGE 

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. 

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. 

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? 
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! 

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. 

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. 

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. 

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. 

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. 
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. 

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. 

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. 

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. 

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. 

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. 

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. 

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. 

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. 

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. 

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. 

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. 

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. 

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. 

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. 

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. 

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. 

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be with your spouse & family and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.. Do have a real happy marriage! 

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. 

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
LIFE IS TO LOVE ...

============================================================================== Please access the attached hyperlink for an important electronic communications disclaimer:   http://www.credit-suisse.com/legal/en/disclaimer_email_ib.html ============================================================================== 

CDC - Medical Alert

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE)and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

CAN YOU BEAT THIS RESUME ???

RESUME

EDUCATION / Qualification:

· 1950: Stood first in BA (Hons), Economics, Punjab University, Chandigarh

· 1952; Stood first in MA (Economics), Punjab University , Chandigarh ,

· 1954; Wright's Prize for distinguished performance at St John's College, Cambridge,

· 1955 and 1957; Wrenbury scholar, University of Cambridge ,

· 1957; DPhil ( Oxford ), DLitt (Honoris Causa); PhD thesis on India 's export competitiveness

OCCUPATION / Teaching Experience:

· Professor (Senior lecturer, Economics, 1957-59;

· Reader, Economics, 1959-63;

· Professor, Economics, Punjab University , Chandigarh , 1963-65;

· Professor, International Trade, Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi,1969-71

· Honorary professor, Jawaharlal Nehru University ,New Delhi,1976 and Delhi

· School of Economics, University of Delhi ,1996 and Civil Servant

Working Experience / POSITIONS::

· 1971-72: Economic advisor, ministry of foreign trade

· 1972-76: Chief economic advisor, ministry of finance

· 1976-80: Director, Reserve Bank of India

· Director, Industrial Development Bank of India;

· Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, Asian Development Bank;

· Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, IBRD

· November 1976 - April 1980: Secretary, ministry of finance (Department of economic affairs);

· Member, finance, Atomic Energy Commission; Member, finance, Space Commission

· April 1980 - September 15, 1982 : Member-secretary, Planning Commission

· 1980-83: Chairman , India Committee of the Indo-Japan joint study committee

· September 16, 1982 - January 14, 1985 : Governor, Reserve Bank of India .

· 1982-85: Alternate Governor for India Board of governors, International Monetary Fund

· 1983-84: Member, economic advisory council to the Prime Minister

· 1985: President, Indian Economic Association

· January 15, 1985 - July 31, 1987 : Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission

· August 1, 1987 - November 10, 19! 90: Secretary-general and commissioner, south commission, Geneva

· December 10, 1990 - March 14, 1991 : Advisor to the Prime Minister on economic affairs

· March 15, 1991 - June 20, 1991 : Chairman, UGC

· June 21, 1991 - May 15, 1996 : Union finance minister

· October 1991: Elected to Rajya Sabha from Assam on Congress ticket

· June 1995: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

· 1996 onwards: Member, Consultative Committee for the ministry of finance

· August 1, 1996 - December 4, 1997: Chairman, Parliamentary standing committee on commerce

· March 21, 1998 onwards: Leader of the Opposition, Rajya Sabha

· June 5, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on finance

· August 13, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on rules

· Aug 1998-2001: Member, committee of privileges 2000 onwards: Member, executive committee, Indian parliamentary group

· June 2001: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha

· Aug 2001 onwards: Member, general purposes committee

BOOKS:

· India's Export Trends and Prospects for Self-Sustained Growth Clarendon Press, Oxford University , 1964;

· Also published large number of articles in various economic journals.

OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

· Adam Smith Prize, University of Cambridge , 1956

· Padma Vibhushan, 1987

· Euro money Award, Finance Minister of the Year, 1993;

· Asia money Award, Finance Minister of the Year for Asia, 1993 and 1994

INTERNATIONAL ASSIGNMENTS:

· 1966: Economic Affairs Officer

· 1966-69: Chief, financing for trade section, UNCTAD

· 1972-74: Deputy for India in IMF Committee of Twenty on International Monetary Reform

· 1977-79: Indian delegation to Aid-India Consortium Meetings

· 1980-82: Indo-Soviet joint planning group meeting

· 1982: Indo-Soviet monitoring group meeting

· 1993: Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting Cyprus 1993: Human Rights World Conference, Vienna

RECREATION :

· Gymkhana Club, New Delhi;

· Life Member, India International Centre, New Delhi

PERSONAL DETAILS:

Name : Dr. Manmohan Singh

DOB : September 26, 1932

Place of Birth : Gah ( West Punjab )

Father : S. Gurmukh Singh

Mother : Mrs Amrit Kaur

Married on : September 14, 1958

Wife : Mrs Gursharan Kaur

Children : Three Daughters

Our Prime Minister seems to be the most qualified PM all over the world. . .

Pass this to every INDIAN . . . and be PROUD to be an INDIAN . . .