Enjoy...... ;-)

The Perfect Husband...

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.

A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs.1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs7,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking

Rs.11,50,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 11,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50

thousand. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

He smiles and asks:

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?"
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A Hen Lays Egg on the Ind-Pak Boundary.

Both start fighting over the
Egg. India and Pakistan say its theirs.
Finally India says, whoever kisses more women in other country within
one minute wins the Egg. Pakistanis say ok.

Indians goes to pakistan kisses 100 women within a minute and comes
back.
Pakistanis were excited and say "Its our turn".
Indians say
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"Keep the Egg"
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A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.

"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him
for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the
beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he
realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts
with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him.

He told the beggar, 'I do not have money, But if you tell me what you
want to do with the money, I will certainly help you.' 'I would have
bought a cup of tea', replied the beggar. The man said, 'Sorry man. I
can offer you a cigarette instead of tea'. He then took a pack of
cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The beggar
told, 'I don't smoke as it is injurious to health.'

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told
the beggar, 'Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is Really
good'. The beggar refused by saying, 'Alcohol muddles the brain and
damages the liver'.

The man smiled again told the beggar, 'I am going to the race course.
Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets.
If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone'. As before, the
beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, 'Sorry sir, I can't come
with you as betting on horses is a bad habit.'

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his
home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of
receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts
and asked the man, 'Why do you want me to go to your house with you'.

The man replied, 'My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad
habits looks like.'

Meat is muder

Heifer whines could be human cries
Closer comes the screaming knife
This beautiful creature must die
This beautiful creature must die
A death for no reason
And death for no reason is murder

And the flesh you so fancifully fry
Is not succulent, tasty or kind
Its death for no reason
And death for no reason is murder

And the calf that you carve with a smile
Is murder
And the turkey you festively slice
Is murder
Do you know how animals die ?

Kitchen aromas arent very homely
Its not comforting, cheery or kind
Its sizzling blood and the unholy stench
Of murder

Its not natural, normal or kind
The flesh you so fancifully fry
The meat in your mouth
As you savour the flavour
Of murder

No, no, no, its murder
No, no, no, its murder
Oh ... and who hears when animals cry ?

This is so beautiful and so true.......

Why Women Cry                                                  A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him. "I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will." Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?" "All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say. The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"   God said: "When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly. I gave her strength to carry he! r husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly. And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed." "You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."                                                                               Please send this to five beautiful women you know today.  Send it to every man, so that he can understand! -

 

FW: Gud Story

Very nice story ………….Dont Miss to  Read it.

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much
misery is enough!'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling
my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.  'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for Diwali and paying their own airfare!!'

MORAL:

No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.

The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.  AFTER ALL WE WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM..

 

 

FW: Gud Story

Very nice story ………….Dont Miss to  Read it.

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much
misery is enough!'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling
my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.  'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for Diwali and paying their own airfare!!'

MORAL:

No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.

The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.  AFTER ALL WE WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM..

 

 

FW: Conversation between lovers...ultimate.. must read...

Singhu bhaiya.......yeh sach to nhi h naa......
bura mat manna koi b :-)

THIS IS A TYPICAL CONVERSATION b/w Lovers

Note: Conversation ke beech, within brackets jo hai, woh.. ladka apne aap se
keh raha hai

She Gives a missed call to him....and he calls her back..

She: Hello!

He: (are yaar...pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi ) Hi ...kya baat hai..?

She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...

He: ( Call kaha kiya?.. khali missed call to diya hai... ) oh...ok ..kya kar
rahi thi meri jaanu??

She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?

He: mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon"
sun raha hu FM par....

She: nice song..

(And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")


He: ( Saala waha koi chipkali 'kich kich' kar rahi hai ya .... ) hey!!!! tum
itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha

She: *giggles*

He: Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!

She: yaha sab so rahe hai...agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge..

He: ( Correct...woh yeh samjhenge ki koi bhootni hai  ... ) Come on! Please!

She: hat ...I don't sing that well

He: (  yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... :-) ) It was really sweet. Please
gaao na dear

She: mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan

He: aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na
She: tumhi keh sakte ho...

He: ( mai? saala mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola ) abhi tum
gaaogi ya nahi?

She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Sigh! Ok

She: I don't have that great a voice

He: ( saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye teri awaaz sunke.. ) hmmmm

She: theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek
hai??

He: ( aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi.. ) Great!!!!

She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?

He: ( tum kuch bhi gaao...meri to aaj neend haraam hai.. )Hmmmm. 'Mahiya'
from Awarapan?

She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai

He: ( Text book chodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol... ) Dhoom Machale?

She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: ( Tum koi bhi gaana gaao....mere kaan to pakne waale hai ) Cool


(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)


She: Nahi jaan. I am feeling very shy!

He: Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana
chahta hoon

She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho

He: ( Maalum pada na  ... phir..: ) )No no. Tum shy feel kar rahi ho
na....is liye... Trying to make u cool

She: Hmmm

He: please gaao na darling

She: main kal gaau?

He: ( Haaaaa...jaan bachi... Phut leta hoon... ) theek hai jaisi tumhaari
merzi

She: Hmmm

He: Good night

She: Good night

She: Sweet Dreams.. Take care...

He: Sweets dreams to u too...


After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a
missed call),,,,


She: Hey..sogaye the kya?

He: ( nahi...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha... ) nahi jaan.

She: kya kar rahe ho?

He: ( raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai... ) Match dekh raha tha
She: theek hai tum match dekho

He: ( us wakt se main kya bhajiya tal raha tha... ) Hey it's ok... purani
match hai.

She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?


(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)


He: (Bad ah? this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing
:- ) Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable
first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi..... So, me waiting..
(maine to socha tha ki aaj bachgaya....dhat teriki :-()


She sings 1 stanza from the song

'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'


He: Wow. Too good!

She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai

He: ( shukr hai self realization hai... :-)... ) nahi darling you really
sing well.

She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho

He: ( very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya..... ) Che! Che! teri voice
agar itni buri hoti to main ab tak na sun raha hota

She: Hmmmm...theek hai. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao..

He: ( tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kaise aayegi.. ) Good night!

She: Take care

He: You too

She: Hey....

He: ( are yaar..aaj ye nahi chodegi ,,, ) kya hai sweety? .

She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...
He: ( tu apni voice khud record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar )
sachchi... Of course.

She: sirf jhoot

He: ( iski toh... agar ab mujhe sone nahi diya toh...... ) Not at all. You
sing very well

She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.  

He: Good Night!!

The Great Sardars are back with a bang .....................]

 1. Lecturer : Write a note on Gandhi Jayanti.
Sardar : Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam, I dont know who is Jayanti.

2. Sardar : You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How ?
Sardar : YOu said this is American made radio. But when I put it ON, it says All India Radio.

3. Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

4. Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

5. On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

6. Doctor to patient : YOu will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die.
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

7. Two sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

8. Interviewer : When is your birthday.
Sardar : 13th Oct.
Interviewer : which year ?
sardar : Oye Ullu ke patte : Every year.

9. Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
Sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

10. Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

11. Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
Sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

12 . American told sardar : Hamare desh me 90% shaadi e-mail se hoti hai.
Sardar : Kya bath hai. Hamari desh me 100% female se hoti hai.

13. How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.

 

FW: Three mesmerizing words.....

"10th Grade"

As I sat there in English class,

I stared at the girl next to me.

She was my so called 'best friend'.

I stared at her long, silky hair,

and wished she was mine.

But she didn't notice me like that,

and I knew it. After class,

she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before. I handed them to her.

She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her,

I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends,

I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

 

"11th grade"

The phone rang. On the other end,

it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart.

She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone,

So I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine.

After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go home.

 She looked at me, said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends,

 I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don t know why.

 

"Senior year"

One fine day she walked to my locker.

"My date is sick" she said, "he's not gonna go" well,

I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade,

we made a promise that if nei ther of us had dates,

we would go together just as 'best friends'.

So we did. That night, after everything was over,

I was standing at her front door step.

I stared at her as She smiled at me

and stared at me with her crystal eyes.

Then she said- "I had the best time, thanks!"

and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends,

I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

 

"Graduation"

A day passed, then a week, then a month.

Before I could blink, it was graduation day.

I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma.

I wanted her to be mine - but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.

Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat,

and cried as I hugged her.

Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said- 'you're my best friend, thanks'

and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends,

 I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

 

"Marriage"

Now I sit in the pews of the church.

That girl is getting married now.

and drive off to her new life, married to another man.

I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it.

But before she drove away, she came to me and said 'you came!'.

She said 'thanks' and kissed me on the cheek.

I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends,

I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

 

"Death"

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'.

At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years.

This is what it read:

"I stare at him wishing he was mine;

but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it.

I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends,

I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me ! "

.......'I wish I did too.' I thought to my self, and I cried.

 

"Do yourself a favour, tell your loved ones that you love them"

 

One Of The Best Mail I'hv Got......

One Of The Best Mail I'hv Got......



 A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st
Grade class. Madam asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"



Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the
third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th
Grade!"



Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy
waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the
situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if
he failed to answer any of his

questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.



the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.







Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Boy.: "9".





Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Boy.: "36".





And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should
know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to
the 4th grade."



Madam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.



Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.





Madam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of"?



Boy, after a moment "Legs."





Madam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"



Boy.: "Pockets."







Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,

delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?



Boy.: Coconut





Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?



The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Boy was taking charge.



Boy.: Bubblegum





Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog
does on three legs?



The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer...



Boy.: Shake hands







Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get
wet before you do.



Boy.: Tent







Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best
man always has me first.



The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala
Vodka peg.



Boy.: Wedding Ring





Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me,
you feel good.



Boy.: Nose







Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.



Boy.: Arrow





Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat
and excitement?



Boy.: Firetruck







Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it, u
have to use urhand.



Boy.: Fork







Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on
others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after
they're married?



Boy.: SURNAME.





Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins,
like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?



Boy.: HEART.







The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,



"Send this Boy to

IIM AHEMEDABAD,

I got the last ten questions wrong myself!".

Sick Leave

SICK LEAVE

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss
would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I
acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told
her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss
would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked
"What are you doing ?" I told him I was a light bulb.

He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate
for a Couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker
(the Blonde) followed me, the Boss said to her, "And where do
you think You're going?"



    (You're gonna love this...)


She said,
"I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

BEAUTY OF MATHS

Enjoy the beauty of maths.....

 

Beauty of Math!                     

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321



Now, take a look at this...

101%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:


What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If:

H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K

8+1+18+4+23 + 15+18+11 = 98%

And:

K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E

11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%

But:

A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E

1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E- O-F-G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there , It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!


It's up to you if you share this with your friends & loved ones just the way I did.

 

Activities...!! Good One

ACTIVITIES :

MON - FRI :


wakeup in the morning, go to LOO to do ##%$&, brush teeth, bath (if not late to office or deo-mine or roomies is OK), search for the most clean clothes out of the bunch of muddy ones, dressup (after applying some more deo), oh my god bus is again late, take an auto to reach the stop, get on the bus (now actually the brain starts working - forgot my mobile, wallet, hanky etc. etc.), reached office (brain stops working now),

oh its only 9 yaar, chk some mails (shift + del good morning mails), have brkfst, do some fwds, oh god mail frm onsite- another bug, arey yaar when are these bugs going to bug off.
chalo its 1 now, we'll see the bugs after lunch.

1-2 yaar falana guy is getting 7 ka pckg with same exp, what the heck are we doing here, when am I going to switch yaar.

2 o clock back on the seat, yaar aaj kuch zyaada kha liya, take a quick nap of 1 hr. mgr calling on mobile, bloody 1 on 1 session again.

3.30 mgr face to face, u havent done well in this quarter, me still thinking abt switch(yaar 7 ka pckg),

4.00: now work starts, oh yaar ye kis ch**** ne coding kari hai,

4.30-5.00 chai time, more discussions on switching.

5.15 bug fixing started,

6.30 bug fixing continues,

7.45 bug fixing continues,

9.00 oh yaar night out again and that bloody mgr says I dont work,

9.23 bug fixed at last. oh god 9.30 ki bus(next bus at 11.30), still need to mail to onsite,

9.27 oh mailed (lock the computer, dont switch off, lot of unsaved data),
caught the bus at 9.32 after asking the gatekeeper to stop it for me.

10.30 reached home (no shop open now, get that life sucking fried rice again).

11 watch some TV (yaar ye TB6 band karke to hamari neend haram kar di hai - anyways lets see some star world (bikini destinations)).

1 AM: yaar kal se jaldi soyenge, subah nahi utha jaata, need to join gym as well, waist is turning into an MRF tyre.



SAT - SUN:

1-3.45 AM: sahi movie hai yaar HBO pe, uff this week was really long, abe chup kar saale ( roomie snoaring), bhookh lag rahi hai, gud, bread jam and some thumsup is there.

4.00 AM: gud movie released this friday, go for a morning show tomm.( shit man only 5 hrs sleep, anyways baad mein soyenge).

9.15 AM got up for movie. oh man 15 minutes to start the show still need to buy the tickets

9.30 AM oh these must be the last tickets they wud be having (got the tckts)

1.00 PM lunch, aaj to KFC or pizza hut, so many days havent had gud food

2.00 PM window shopping abhiyan chalu

3.00 PM continues

4.00 PM continues

5.00 PM continues

6.00 PM chal yaar ek shirt le hi lete hain, oh god jo shirt pasand aayi thi that is at some other place which is too far, kal jaa ke lenge.

7.00 PM continues

8.00 PM ghar se call, oops kitne din ho gaye baat nahi ki, haan mamma I was too busy this week(on phone), bas resume daal diya hai, achhci company se response aayega to switch marunga back to home ( achchi means koi bhi company se response).

9.00 PM bahut din ho gaye daaru nahi pi, kaisa roomie hai saala na daaru peeta hai na murga khaata hai, jeeta kaise hai
OR
yaar stomach upset, must be coz of pizza, aaj to khichdi hi khaani padegi.

10.00 PM chal yaar aaj hindi movie dekhte h ain achchi si, oh koi bhi achchi movie nahi aa rahi, lets surf, koi game vame khelte hain, chatting karte hain, oh mast ladki online, abe yaar ye kya kar raha hai is time (friend pinging), yaar I am preparing a presentation, talk 2 u latr.(continue chat with the grl)

 

I loved this mail!!too good

Yeh degree bhi lelo ye naukari bhi lelo,

Bhale Chheen lo mujhse USA ka Visa...........

magar mujhko lauta do college ka canteen,

vo chaay ka paani vo teeKha samosaa..........

kadi dhoop mein apne ghar se nikalnaa,

vo project ki Khatir shahar bhar bhataknaa,

vo lecture mein doston ki proxy lagaanaa,

vo sir ko chidhanaa ,vo aeroplane udaanaa,

vo submission ki raton ko jagnaa jagaanaa, :(

vo orals ki kahani vo practical ka Kissaa.....

bimaari ka reason de ke time badhanaa, :)

vo doosron ke assignments ko apnaa banaanaa, :)

vo seminar ke din paironka chhatpatanaa, :(

vo workshop mein din raat pasinaa bahanaa, :(

vo exam ke din ka bechain maahaul, :(

par vo maa ka vishvas - Teachar ka Bharosaa.....

vo pedon ke neeche gappe ladanaa, :)

vo raaton mein drawing sheets banaanaa, :)

vo exams ke akhari din theatre mein jaanaa, :):)

! vo bhole se freshers ko hamesha sataanaa, :):):):)

without any reason common off pe jaanaa,

test ke waqt table mein kitabon ko rakhnaa, :):)

isi tarah teachers ko dena Jhansaa........ :):):)

college ki sabse purani nishaanee,

vo chaaywala jise saare kehte the... jaani,

vo jaani ke hathon ki 'cutting' chaay meethee,

vo chupkese journal mein bheji hui chitthi,

vo padh tehi chiththi uska bhadakna,

vo chehre ki laali vo aankhon ka Gussaa.....

college ki wo saari lambisi raatein,

vo doston se canteen mein pyaari si baatein,

vo gathering ke din ka ladnaa Jhagadnaa,

vo ladkiyon ka yuhin hamesha akadnaa,

bhulaaye nahin bhool sakta hai koi,

vo college, vo batein, vo shararatein vo javani...

kaash hum phir dohra sakte kahani......

vo kagaz ki kashti vo barish ka pani.

Secret for Longevity

How Indian mind works

NOT A STORY BUT A TRUE INCIDENT     An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000" ?     The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'" Ah, the mind of the Indian... This is why India is shining

 

Good one

Good morning

Good morning..~~~~

FW: Badnaam Shayar

 

Teri doli uthi,

Meri mayyat uthi,

Phool tujh par bhi barse,

Phool mujh par bhi barse,

 

 

FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA,

 

Tu saj gayi,

Mujhe sajaya gaya ,

Tu bhi ghar ko chali,

Main bi ghar ko chala,

 

 

FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA,

 

 

Tu uth ke gayi,

Mujhe uthaya gaya ,

Mehfil wahan bhi thi,

Log yahan bhi the,

 

 

FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA,

 

Unka hasna wahan,

Inka rona yahan,

Qazi udhar bhi tha, Molvi idhar bhi tha,

 

Do bol tere pade, Do bol mere pade,

 Tera nikah pada, Mera janaaza pada,

 

FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA,

 

 

Tujhe apnaya gaya ,

Mujhe dafnaya gaya .

NOW THIS IS Why I didnt take GRE !!

A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GRE STUDENT : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
GRE STUDENT : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
>>*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

Cool One Liners

| Cool One Liners |   If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for  patience.     ....... I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.   ....... I talk to myself because I like dealing with a  better class of people.   ....... Never try to drown your troubles... Especially if he can swim.   ....... Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.   ....... Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.   ........ A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.   ....... By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who  thinks he's usually wrong.   ....... Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them,  we wouldn't have.   ....... There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.   ....... Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.   ....... There are three sides to every argument: your side,my side and the right side.   ....... An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.   ....... When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.   ....... Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.   ....... They say hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance.

 

SWEETS AT MY DESK.!

 

 

SWEETS AT MY DESK…!
 
Subha Utha , Nahaya ..Mast Deo Lagaya...
Usko Yaad Kiya Aur Muskuraya...
 
Muskurahat Ka Karan Tha , Kya Sapna Liya Tha Raat Ko
Main Company Ka Ceo Aur My Dream Girl Was My Pmo.
 
Mann To Kiyan So Jaon, Swapn Ki Duniya Mein Laut Jaun...
Phir Socha Uski Jhalak Paani Hain Office Mein, Kahin Late Na Ho Jaun...
 
Goggles Lagaya Style Mein, Sutta Niptaya,
Bike Kiya Self Start, Accelerater Maara
 
Pahooncha Office...Card Swipe Kara..
Khola Pc ....Lotus Notes Top Par Mail Uska Paaya....
 
Mailbox Dekh Sanatta Chaya..
Uska Mail Ka Subject Humien Na Bhaya..
 
Ek Baar Phir Kiya Mail Ka Subject Check
Oh No ...Not Again..Same Words..."Sweets At My Desk"
 
Darte Darte Khola Mail...Andar Wedding Invitation Paaya...
Lo Bhaiya Lut Gayee Duniya...Mandraya Kala Saaya...
 
Dukhi Mann Se Socha ...Chalo Ek Baar Contents To Padd Le..
Naam Kya Hai Ladke Ka...Details Se Rubaru To Ho Le...
 
Phir Ek Baar Mann Chakkar Khaya...Uska Naam Kahin Naa Paaya..
Mail Ka Phir Se Audit Kiya...Dil Ko Ncr Report Acha Aaya...
 
Mail Ke Subject Se Achi Mail Ke Body Nikli..
Jiski Shaadi Thi ..Woh To Uski Sister Nikli...
 
Bhujti Hui Low Phir Phadphadai...
Ek Umeed Jaagi..Asha Ki Ek Kiran Nazar Aayee.
 
Josh Bhare Kadmon Se Rukh Kiya Uske Cubicle Ki Aur....
Ab Sirf Uskee Jhalak Nahin ..Yeh Dil Maange More..
 
Aaj Tak Cubicle Ki Diwaron Se Dekha Tha Usko..
Dekhte Hee Usne Bola ..Lo Dear, Sweets Lo..
 
Humne Suna "Dear" , Humne Kaha Ab No Fear.
Kiya Jhuki Aankhon Se Usko Stare, Uthaya Sweats Ka Apna Share..
 
"Dear" Shabd Kitna Acha Lagne Laga Tha....
Uske Aur Mere Beech Ka Loc Ab Mitne Laga Tha...
 
Baton Hi Baton Mein Usko Bataya Mail Padke Hua Confusion Tha
Reply Jo Bataya Usne, Phir Se Chida Kargil Tha..
 
Phir Se Low Bhuj Gayee Thi, Umeed Mit Gayee Thi ...
Uski Sagai Ki Mail To Ek Hafte Pahle Bounce Back Ho Chuki Thi...
 
Maa Kasam Ek Hi Gaana Yaad Aa Raha Tha Cham Se...
Kasam Ki Kasam , Yeh Pyaar Na Hoga Ab Humse...
 
O Haseeno Sun Lo Meri Iltaaja,
Please Mat Hona Humse Khafa,
Kuch Bhi Ho Jaaye Ab Na Hoga Adjust,
Ab Mat Daalna Mail With Subject "Sweets At My Desk"

 

Best One..!!

Humne jo apne gam aapko de diye hote,
Aapne to apne hosh kho diye hote,
Yeh to hum hain jo is haal main muskurate hain,
Aap hote to kab ke ro diye hote !!!

Shayari for you

Ya khuda maaf karna tere is gunehgaar bande ko,
Jo tumhari chamatkaar me dakhil hota hai,
Sirf ye puchne ke liye aaya hu mein,
Ke kyu har raat ko mera dil rota hai...

 

 Pyaar kamjor dil se kiya nahi ja sakta,
Zeher Dushman se liya nahi ja sakta,
Dil mein basi hai ulfat jis pyar ki
us ke bina jiya nahi ja sakta.

 

Shaam Hote Hi Chiragon Ko Bujha Deta Hoon
Yeh Dil Hi Kaafi Hai Teri Yaad Main Jalne Ke Liye

 

Kaise kahe ke aap kitni khubsurat hai,
Kaise kahe ke hum aap pe marte hai,
Yeh to sirf mera dil hi janta hai,
Ke hum aap pe hamari jawani qurban karte hai...

 

 

khoobsoorat ho tum kisi phool ki tarah...
aankhein hain tumhari kisi hirni ki tarah...
chahek hai tum mein kisi chiriya ki...
mehek hai tum mein kisi gulaab ki...
dua karte hain hum rab se sada...
yun hi barkarar rahe hamesha tumhari har ada... 

 

3 KEYS FOR BEST LIFE

3 KEYS FOR BEST LIFE::- CONFIDENCE: Once all villager decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all people gathered and only one boy came with an Umbrella that's confidence.. ......... TRUST: Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old baby when you throw him in the air , he laughs...... Because he knows You will catch him........ HOPE: Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning but still ........... You have plans for the coming day. So KEEP CONFIDENCE; TRUST OTHERS AND NEVER LOSE HOPES

 

Three Parrots

 

Three Parrots
A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.  
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
three identical parrots in a cage.  

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?

 
 
 
 

	The owner said it was Rs.250. Rs.250, the man said.   "Well what does he do? "He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.  "He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."
	The man then asked what the second parrot cost. The clerk replied,Rs.500, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer.
	Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot. The clerk replied, "Rs.1,000." Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs.1,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was. The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.

But the other two call him "BOSS"!!
 
HOWS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Read with smile