Colours Of India

Key to Success

Hindi Panktiyan

Appraisal report from PL

Dear Manager (HR),
Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in hi s field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.

Signed - Project Leader

NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote thereport sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13) for my true assessment of him

A troublesome User

Dear Tech Support Team,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever
selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User,
This is a very common problem that people complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files
from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) ..

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear"
to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryBeautyful 3.3. This application is not supported by
Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of Luck,
Tech Support ...

Ultimate Message

Kids think quick

kids Think Quick TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA : Here it is! TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS : Maria! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank? FRANK : Because of the sign. TEACHER : What sign? FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER : No, that's wrong GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD : H I J K L M N O!! TEACHER : What are you talking about? DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE : Me! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty? GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I." MILLIE : I is... TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am." MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?" LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!; __________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD : A teacher.

Good Morning

Good Morning

I hope today finds you living to the fullest of your ability...
With a smile on your face,
And laughter in your heart,
And not a single trace,
Of sadness or harm.
I hope you find the time,
To take a moment just for you,
To relax and unwind,
Doing things you like to do.
Have a wonderful morning n a nice day ahead....!!! rceID:NT00003E36
ForwardSourceID:NT00003562

BCCI IS HIRING FRESHERS 2007.................

Vacancies 1) Captain (P-001), 2) Vice Captain (P-002), 3) Coach (P-003) and 4) Team Members (P-004) Eligibility Criteria We are looking for Audience who have consistently watched all the world cup matches and who have scored over 65 runs in Room Cricket & Street Cricket Experience in Football, Volley ball is an added advantage …. Models, Actors (Advertisements) are most preferable….. LKG & UKG Teachers are preferable for the post of coach. Selection Process 1. Batting Test (Vs Bermuda) (Candidate must score at least 50 runs ) 2. Bowling/Fielding Test (Candidate should not bowl more than 3 wides /no balls in an Over) 3. HR Interview (Candidates will be called upon for the selection process based on the Eligibility Criteria) Send ur resumes with subject Name/Post/Max runs scored E.g. Dhoni/P-004/37 to callforcric@bcci.com Venue : YMCA Grounds , nandanam Natesan Park , T.Nagar Date: 01-Apr-2007 Reference Books: 1) “Aap bhi Batsman ban sakte hein!” by Munaf Patel 2) “Cricket in 21 days “ by Navjot Singh Buddhu 3) “From Losing a match to Murdering a coach“ by Inzamam 5) "The complete cricket manual" by Mandira

This is what politics is all about.......V Funny

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.After his talk he

offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand and George asks

him

what his name is.

"Bob".



"And what is your question, Bob?"



"I have 3 questions.



First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?



Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?



And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?"





Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies

that they will continue after recess.



When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?



Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"





A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and

asks

him what his name is?



"Steve"



"And what is your question, Steve?"



"I have 5 questions.



First, Why did the USA invade Iraqwithout the support of the UN?



Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?



Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?



Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!



And fifth, Where is "Bob" ??!!!!
ForwardSourceID:NT000060F6
ForwardSourceID:NT0001209A
ForwardSourceID:NT00006B22

गरीबी ने किया गंजा नहीं तो चांद पर जाता!

तुम्हारी मांग भरने को सितारे तोडकर लाता!
बहा डाले तुम्हारी याद में आंसू कई गैलन!
अगर तुम फोन न करती तो यहां सैलाब आ जाता!
तुम्हारे नाम की चिट्ठियां तुम्हारे बाप ने खोली!
उसे उर्दू अगर आती तो वो कच्चा चबा जाता!
तुम्हारी बेवफाई से बना हूं टॉप का शायर!
तुम्हारे इश्क में पड़ता तो सीधा आगरा जाता!

कभी उनकी याद आती है कभी उनके ख्व़ाब आते हैं

मुझे सताने के सलीके तो उन्हें बेहिसाब आते हैं

कयामत देखनी हो गर चले जाना उस महफिल में
सुना है उस महफिल में वो बेनकाब आते हैं

कई सदियों में आती है कोई सूरत हसीं इतनी
हुस्न पर हर रोज कहां ऐसे श़बाब आते हैं

रौशनी के वास्ते तो उनका नूर ही काफी है
उनके दीदार को आफ़ताब और माहताब आते हैं

Mumbai Darshan

"SIDDHI VINAYAK TEMPLE" " JUHU BEACH " ike Chowpatty, its downtown counterpart, uptown Juhu Beach is also a bourgeois paradise, filled to the gills with screaming children, courting couples and rowdy adolescents. If you want a more fancy excursion, however, retreat behind Juhu's many five star hotels, for a steaming cup of coffee and a splendid view of the coast. The most popular of these beachfront hotels are the Sun and Sand and Holiday Inn. The government run Juhu Centaur also has a 24 hour coffee shop with a view of the sea.

"MARINE DRIVE"

If you're feeling energetic, a stroll down Marine Drive is possibly the best way to discover Mumbai. This is a windswept promenade, flanked by the sea and a row of art deco buildings. Looped between the concrete jungle of Nariman Point, Mumbai's Manhattan, and the leafy green slopes of Malabar hill, Marine Drive was once called the queen's Necklace, strung with glittering street lights like an enormous strand of imperious jewels. It is also one of Mumbai's busiest roads, an important artery for the heavy suburban traffic heading downtown. Cars whiz continually past the two mile stretch, past huddled lovers, children and babies in perambulators. Like other seafronts, this is where most of south Mumbai comes to breathe in some fresh air.

"GATEWAY OF INDIA"

Mumbai's most famous monument, this is the starting point for most tourists who want to explore the city. It was built as a triumphal arch to commemorate the visit of King George V and Queen Mary, complete with four turrets and intricate latticework carved into the yellow basalt stone. Ironically, when the Raj ended in 1947, this colonial symbol also became a sort of epitaph: the last of the British ships that set sail for England left from the Gateway. Today this symbol of colonialism has got Indianised, drawing droves of local tourists and citizens. Behind the arch, there are steps leading down to the water. Here, you can get onto one of the bobbing little motor launches, for a short cruise through Mumbai's splendid natural harbour

Nice..

Whatever you give away today
or think or say or do
will multiply about ten fold
and then return to you

It may not come immediately
nor from the obvious source
but the law applies unfailingly,
through some invisible source

Whatever you feel about another
be it love or hate or passion
will surely bounce right back to you
in some clear (or secret) fashion

If you speak about some person
a word of praise or two
soon, tens of other people
will speak kind words of you.

Our thoughts are broadcasts of the soul,
not secrets of the brain
Kind ones bring us happiness
petty ones, untold pain

Giving works as surely
as reflections in a mirror
If hate you send, hate you'll get back
but loving brings love nearer

Remember as you start this day
and duty crowds your mind
that kindness comes so quickly back
to those who first are kind

Let that thought and this one
direct us through each day
The only things we ever keep
are the things we give away.

Smile

A SMILE costs nothing, but gives much* It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give* It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever* None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but that he can be made rich by it*

A SMILE creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business, and is the countersign of friendship* It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and it is nature's best antidote for trouble* Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away*

Some people are too tired to give you a SMILE* Give them one of yours, as none needs a SMILE so much as he who has no more to give.

---

Tried the new MSN Messenger? It's cool! Download now.

chandani...

Amazing Stuff...!!

Sweet Good Morning...

Everything in this world can be seen as you wish to.
Good or Bad; Simple or Complicated; Easy or Difficult.

Its not how things are; its about how you look up to them.
....and how you look up to them is all up to you.

ए साकी मस्ज़िद में बैठ के पिला,
या वो जगह बता जहाँ खुदा ना हो.

ये महलों, ये तख़्त-ओ, ये ताजों की दुनिया
ये इंसान के दुश्मन, समाजों की दुनिया
ये दौलत के भूके, रवाज़ों की दुनिया
ये दुनिया अगर मिल भी जाए, तो क्या है ?
हर एक जिस्म घायल, हर एक रूह प्यासी
निगाहों में उलझन दिलों में उदासी
ये दुनिया है या आलम-ए-बदहवासी
ये दुनिया अगर मिल भी जाए, तो क्या है ?
यहाँ एक खिलोना है इंसान की हस्ती
ये बस्ती है मुर्दा परस्तों की बस्ती
यहाँ ज़िंदगी से भी है मौत सस्ती
ये दुनिया अगर मिल भी जाए, तो क्या है ?
जवानी भटकती है बदकार बनकर
जवान जिस्म सजते हैं बाज़ार बनकर
यहाँ प्यार होता है व्योपार बनकर
ये दुनिया अगर मिल भी जाए, तो क्या है ?
ये दुनिया, जहाँ आदमी कुछ नहीं है
वफ़ा कुछ नहीं दोस्ती कुछ नहीं है
जहाँ प्यार की क़द्र ही कुछ नहीं है
ये दुनिया अगर मिल भी जाए, तो क्या है ?
जला दो इसे, फूक़ डालो ये दुनिया
जला दो, जला दो, जला दो
फूक़ डालो ये दुनिया
मेरे सामने से हटा लो ये दुनिया
तुम्हारी है तुम ही संभालो ये दुनिया
ये दुनिया अगर मिल भी जाए, तो क्या है ?