FW: ATTITUDE IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT....

 

 

ATTITUDE IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL  ABOUT....... 1. SOLDIER : SIR  WE  ARE SURROUNDED  FROM  ALL  SIDES  BY ENEMIES,     MAJOR: EXCELLENT!  WE CAN ATTACK IN  ANY DIRECTION. 2. EVERY ONE  KNOWS  ABOUT   ALEXANDER  GRAHAM            BELL  WHO  INVENTED  THE    TELEPHONE, BUT HE NEVER MADE A CALL TO HIS  FAMILY.  BECAUSE, HIS    WIFE AND DAUGHTER  WERE DEAF. THAT’S LIFE “LIVE FOR OTHERS  “. 3.  THE   WORST  IN   LIFE  IS  "ATTACHMENT " IT  HURTS   WHEN  YOU  LOSE      IT. THE   BEST  THING  IN  LIFE  IS "  LONELINESS "  BECAUSE  IT   TEACHES      YOU EVERYTHING AND,  WHEN YOU LOSE IT, YOU GET EVERYTHING. 4.  LIFE   IS  NOT  ABOUT  THE  PEOPLE  WHO   ACT  TRUE TO  YOUR FACE ........        IT’S  ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE  BEHIND  YOUR  BACK. 5.  IF  AN   EGG  IS  BROKEN  BY  AN  OUTSIDE   FORCE..A  LIFE ENDS. IF     AN EGG  BREAKS FROM WITHIN.......LIFE BEGINS.        GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM  WITHIN. 6.   IT’S BETTER TO LOSE YOUR EGO TO THE ONE YOU   LOVE.  THAN     TO LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE.......  BECAUSE OF   EGO. 7.   A   RELATIONSHIP  DOESN'T  SHINE  BY  JUST   SHAKING  HANDS      AT THE  BEST OF TIMES. BUT  IT  BLOSSOMS  BY   HOLDING  FIRMLY      IN  CRITICAL SITUATIONS.   8. HEATED GOLD  BECOMES ORNAMENTS. BETTED COPPER BECOMES  WIRES.     DEPLETED STONE BECOMES STATUE. SO,  THE MORE PAIN YOU GET IN     YOUR LIFE THE  MORE VALUABLE YOU  BECOME. 9.   WHEN  YOU  TRUST  SOMEONE  TRUST   HIM  COMPLETELY   WITHOUT      ANY DOUBT....... AT   THE  END  YOU  WOULD  GET  ONE   OF      THE  TWO :   EITHER  A  LESSON  FOR  YOUR  LIFE   OR A VERY GOOD  PERSON  .

 

FW: Quotes : Text

 

Quotes 1. When Snake is alive, Snake eats Ants. When Snake is dead, Ants eat Snake. Time can turn at any time. Don't neglect anyone in your life........ ... 2. Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day. 3. A good way to change someone's attitude is to change our own. Because, the same sun melts butter, also hardens clay! Life is as we think, so think beautifully. 4. Life is just like a sea, we are moving without end. Nothing stays with us, what remain is just the memories of some people who touched us as Waves. 5. Whenever you want to know how rich you are? Never count your currency, just try to Drop a Tear and count how many hands reach out to WIPE that- that is true richness. 6. Heart tells the eyes see less, because you see and I suffer lot. Eyes replied, feel less because you feel and I cry a lot. 7. Never change your originality for the sake of others, because no one can play your role better than you. So be yourself, because whatever you are, YOU are the best. 8. Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying. His dad asked him "How do you feel?" He replied "It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!" Now thats what I call Positive Attitude

__._,_.___

 

 

Aisi apni wife ho...!!!

Aise apni wife ho,
5'7" jiski height ho,
Jeans jiski tight ho,
Chehra jiska bright ho,
Weight mein thodi light ho,
Thodi si woh quiet ho,
Aise apni wife ho.


INDIA ki paidaish ho,
Sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho,
Aisi apni wife ho.


Dono me kabhi na fight ho,
Milne ke baad dil delight ho,
Hey PRABHU teri archane uski life ho,
Yeh kavita padhke sab kahe "Guru tum right ho",
Aisi apni wife ho.
 

Kaash yeh concept 0.000001 % bhi right ho,
Agar aisi apni wife ho to kya haseen life ho,
Har Kisi ki yeh farmaish ho, kudrat ki bhi aajmaish ho,
Khudah ke software mein bhi debug ki na gunjaish ho,
Ay kaash kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho,
Aisi apni wife ho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Don't"

DON’T
 
Don’t care so much for me,
 
I may get used to it.
 
Don’t come so near to me,
 
I may not be able to detach from it.
 
Don’t put so much faith in me,
 
I may not be able to handle it.
 
Don’t touch me the way u do,
 
I may not be able to get over it.
 
Don’t become a part of my life,
 
Coz without u, I won’t be able to live it.
 
Don’t make me fall for u,
 
I may not be able to fall out of it.
 
Don’t come into my life,
 
If u have to leave one day.
 
Don’t give me the hope,
 
That it’s forever u r gonna stay.
 
Coz love is an emotion
 
I won’t be able to hide,
 
When love isn’t reciprocated with love,
 
It hurts deep down inside.
 
Don’t start something
 
That I won’t be able to end.
 
Don’t make me believe
 
That u can be more than a friend.
 
Coz at the end of it all,
 
I don’t wanna hear u say,
 
That,” I’m sorry,”
 
“ but I never felt the same way!” 
  
 

FW: Software version of 3 Idiot's song - Saari Umr Hum

 

Saari umr hum

coding main mar gaye

Ek pal to ab humein jeene do

jeene do

 

Saari umr hum

coding main mar gaye

Ek pal to ab humein jeene do

jeene do

 

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

 

Give me some flight

Give me some train

Give me another chance

I wanna go home once again

 

Give me some flight

Give me some train

Give me another chance

I wanna go home once again

 

Kandhon ko laptop

Ke bojh ne jhukaya

 

Client se jhoot bolna tho khud

Manager ne sikhaya

 

C-3 ya D-3 rating laaoge to chhuti, varna kismat futi

Code kar kar ke pada Ungaliyon pe

JAVA, ORACLE aur PERL ka chaala

 

Projeck ne to sala poora..

Poora bheja pakka daala

 

Career to gaya

GF bhi gayi

Ek pal to ab humein

jeene do jeene do

 

Career to gaya

GF bhi gayi

Ek pal to ab humein

jeene do jeene do

 

Saari umru hum

coding main jee liye

Ek pal to ab humein jeene do

jeene do

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Give me some flight

Give me some train

Give me another chance

I wanna go home once again

Give me some flight

Give me some train

Give me another chance

I wanna go home once again

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

 

FW: Good Jokes are Back..

 

BOY to girl : Tu hi to jannat meri,Tu hi mera junon or kuch na janu mae bas itna hi janu, Tujme RAB dikhta hai YARA mae kya kru?? Girl: Mattha tek or Dafaa ho. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOVE V/S EXAM LOVE:lots of thoughts in mind but no guts to express EXAMS:lots of guts to express but no thoughts in mind  J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What is the height of Flirting? ? ? When your love letter starts with "TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN". J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GIRL- Jaan mujhey aise propose karo jaise kisi ne na kiya ho. BOY(slapped her, and said) - "kamini, I luv u, mujhsay shaadi karke mujhey tabah kar de" J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After robbing the Bank, robber to clerk: Did u see me robbing? CLERK : Yes. Robber shot him dead & asked the next clerk: Did u? SECOND CLERK : No, But my wife saw u!  J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Banta baar me ro raha tha. TENDER : Kyo ro rahe ho? BANTA : Aur kya karu?? Jis ladki ko bhulana chahta hun, uska naam hi yaad nahi aa raha.  J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BOY : Ae bewafa tune mera dil jala diya, Dil jalke rakh ho gaya . GIRL : Teri kurbani barbad nahi jayegi, raakh idhar bhej de bartan dhone ke kaam ayegi.....! J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A BOY said to a girL: come into my heart GIRL said: sandal nikalu kiya? BOY said: hatt pagli mera dil mandir thodhi na hai sandal pehenke hi aa jao,  J ok. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EK AADMI ROZ SUBHA PED KI DALI PE CHADH K BAITH JATA THA, PUCHO KYU? ? ? ? BECHARA MBA KARKE PAGAL HO GAYA THA, APNE APKO BRANCH MANAGER SAMJHTA THA...

FW: Eating Fruits & heart attack

 

 

EATING FRUITS ........   It's long but very informative   We all think eating fruits means just buying fruits, cutting it and just popping it into our mouths.. It's not as easy as you think. It's important to know how and when to eat..   What is the correct way of eating fruits?   IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUITS AFTER YOUR MEALS!  FRUITS SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.   If you eat fruit like that, it will play a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.   FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD. Let's say you eat two slices of bread and then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it is prevented from doing so.   In the meantime the whole meal rots and ferments and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.   ; So please eat your fruits on an empty stomach or before your meals! You have heard people complaining - every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats up, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet etc - actually all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. The fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat!   Graying hair, balding, nervous outburst, and dark circles under the eyes all these will not happen if you take fruits on an empty stomach.   There is no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruits become alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits, you have the Secret of beauty, longevity, health, energy, happiness and normal weight.   When you need to drink fruit juice - drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans. Don't even drink juice that has been heated up. Don't eat cooked fruits because you don't get the nutrients at all. You only get to taste. Cooking destroys all the vitamins.   But eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit fast to cleanse your body. Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look!   KIWI: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E & fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.   APPLE: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.   STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.   ORANGE : Sweetest medicine. Taking 2-4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessens the risk of colon cancer.   WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are vitamin C & Potassium.   GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene; this is good for your eyes.   Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer! Can you believe this? For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup,warm water or warm beer after a meal.  A serious note about heart attacks HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE': (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!) Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack . Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive...   A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.  Read this..It could save your life!!

FW: Dilbert's One liners.....Good one

 

 

 

Here are some nice Dilbert's one liners: 1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen. 2. A friend in need is a pest indeed. 3.  Try & try, if you don't succeed, then CHEAT 4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time. 5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane. 6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.. 7. Born free, taxed to death. 8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. 9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first. 10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. 12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere. 13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork. 14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. 15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. 16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it. 17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? 18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one? 19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon! 20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.   21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end. 22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers 24. Someday is not a day of the week 25. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. 26.. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy. 27. The road to success.... Is always under construction.. 28. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk. 29. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it. and here's the best of the lot       30. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or in love with someone else!

 

FW: Has this happened to you !!!!!

 

Ashok 
few days back I slept at 11:30 in the ni8 and woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 9.15 hours and laughed at myself when I realised abt that. 

Jyotsna 
One from me too... 
Just after our training completion in Mysore Dc and postings to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants.. 
And as I finished.. I started walking towards the Basin with plates in my hand.. :) 

Abhijeet 
Jus to add... 
Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "why is she not attending the status call?" 

Anup 
I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way. 
Till I realize - I am at home. 

Rohit 
And keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me...............I jus forget that we have to turn on and off the tap........... 

Farina 
I was about to throw my hanky into the bin after drying my hand. 

Bhabani 
Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the door with the keys. 

Sandeep 
Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whr I want 250mg r 500mg.....suddenly I replied as 256mg...lol....thank god he didn't noticed tht.... 

Ashwin 
Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV. 

Vidyarthi 
And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the silver screen! 

Satya 
The other day I was hearing one guy talking of a "Standalone" house.. when he was actually intending a independent house... Poor broker shud have tuff time trying to find a " Alone house standing in a huge empty area... " 

You may like to add to it if it happened to you as well someday….

FW: Riddles For You To Solve

 

 

Riddles For You To Solve   Put your thinking caps on for these 5 Riddles.     THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I HAVE SEEN....THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM.  RIDDLE #5 IS AMAZING.  IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS!!     The 5 Riddles....     1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?     2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?     3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?     4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?   5. This is an unusual paragraph.  I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it.  It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it.  In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though.  Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd.  But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!       *   *   *   *   *   Do Not Cheat   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *                     THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:   1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right?   2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).   3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.   4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!   5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

 

Chintu ki Kavita ... !!! - Good One

 

 

Pareshaan thi Chintu ki wife
Non-happening thi jo uski life
Chintu ko na milta tha aaram
Office main karta kaam hi kaam

Chintu ke boss bhi the bade cool
Promotion ko har baar jate the bhul
Par bhulte nahi the wo deadline
Kaam to karwate the roz till nine

Chintu bhi banna chata tha best
Isliye to wo nahi karta tha rest
Din raat karta wo boss ki gulami
Onsite ke ummid main deta salami

Din guzre aur guzre fir saal
Bura hota gaya Chintu ka haal
Chintu ko ab kuch yaad na rehta tha
Galti se Biwi ko Behenji kehta tha

Aakhir ek din Chintu ko samjh aaya
Aur chod di usne Onsite ki moh maya
Boss se bola, "Tum kyon satate ho ?"
"Onsite ke laddu se buddu banate ho"

"Promotion do warna chala jaunga"
"Onsite dene par bhi wapis na aunga"
Boss haans ke bola "Nahi koi baat"
"Abhi aur bhi Chintus hai mere paas"

"Yeh duniya Chintuon se bhari hai"
"Sabko bas aage badhne ki padi hai"
"Tum na karoge to kisi aur se karunga"
"Tumhari tarah Ek aur Chintu banaunga"

(WAKE UP CHINTU)

FW: ????????:

निम्नलिखित लेख उस छात्र की कॉपी से लिया गया है, जिसे निबंध लेखन
प्रतियोगिता में पहला पुरस्कार मिला है। निबध का विषय था - फ्लाईओवर।

फ्लाईओवर का जीवन में बहुत महत्व है, खास तौर पर इंजीनियरों और ठेकेदारों
के जीवन में तो घणा ही महत्व है। एक फ्लाईओवर से न जाने कितनी कोठियां
निकल आती हैं। पश्चिम जगत के इंजीनियर भले ही इसे न समझें कि भारत में यह
कमाल होता है कि पुल से कोठियां निकल आती हैं और फ्लाईओवर से फार्महाउस।

खैर, फ्लाईओवर से हमें जीवन के कई पाठ मिलते हैं, जैसे बंदा कई बार
घुमावदार फ्लाईओवर पर चले, तो पता चलता है कि जहां से शुरुआत की थी, वहीं
पर पहुंच गए हैं। उदाहरण के लिए ऑल इंडिया इंस्टिट्यूट ऑफ मेडिकल साइंसेज
के पास के फ्लाईओवर में बंदा कई बार जहां से शुरू करे, वहीं पहुंच जाता
है। वैसे, यह लाइफ का सत्य है, कई बार बरसों चलते -चलते यह पता चलता है
कि कहीं पहुंचे ही नहीं।

फ्लाईओवर जब नए-नए बनते हैं, तो एकाध महीने ट्रैफिक स्मूद रहता है, फिर
वही हाल हो लेता है। जैसे आश्रम में अब फ्लाईओवर पर जाम लगता है, यानी अब
फ्लाईओवर पर फ्लाईओवर की जरूरत है। फिर उस फ्लाईओवर के फ्लाईओवर के
फ्लाईओवर पर भी फ्लाईओवर चाहिए होगा। हो सकता है कि कुछ समय बाद फ्लाईओवर
अथॉरिटी ऑफ इंडिया ही बन जाए। इसमें कुछ और अफसरों की पोस्टिंग का जुगाड़
हो जाएगा। तब हम कह सकेंगे कि फ्लाईओवरों का अफसरों के जीवन में भी घणा
महत्व है।

दिल्ली में इन दिनों फ्लाईओवरों की धूम है। इधर से फ्लाईओवर, उधर से
फ्लाईओवर। फ्लाईओवर बनने के चक्कर में विकट जाम हो रहे हैं। दिल्ली
गाजियाबाद अप्सरा बॉर्डर के जाम में फंसकर धैर्य और संयम जैसे गुणों का
विकास हो जाता है, ऑटोमैटिक। व्यग्र और उग्र लोगों का एक ट्रीटमेंट यह है
कि उन्हें अप्सरा बॉर्डर के जाम में छोड़ दिया जाए।

फ्लाईओवर बनने से पहले जाम फ्लाईओवर के नीचे लगते हैं, फिर फ्लाईओवर बनने
के बाद जाम ऊपर लगने शुरू हो जाते हैं। इससे हमें भौतिकी के उस नियम का
पता चलता है कि कहीं कुछ नहीं बदलता, फ्लाईओवर का उद्देश्य इतना भर रहता
है कि वह जाम को नीचे से ऊपर की ओर ले आता है, ताकि नीचे वाले जाम के लिए
रास्ता प्रशस्त किया जा सके।

फ्लाईओवरों का भविष्य उज्जवल है। कुछ समय बाद यह सीन होगा कि जैसे डबल
डेकर बस होती है, वैसे डबल डेकर फ्लाईओवर भी होंगे। डबल ही क्यों,
ट्रिपल, फाइव डेकर फ्लाईओवर भी हो सकते हैं। दिल्ली वाले तब अपना एड्रेस
यूं बताएंगे - आश्रम के पांचवें लेवल के फ्लाईओवर के ठीक सामने जो फ्लैट
पड़ता है, वो मेरा है। कभी जाम में फंस जाएं, तो कॉल कर देना, डोरी में
टांग कर चाय लटका दूंगा। संवाद कुछ इस तरह के होंगे - अबे कहां रहता है
आजकल रोज अपने फ्लैट से पांचवें लेवल का जाम देखता हूं, तेरी कार नहीं
दिखती। सामने वाला बताएगा - आजकल मैं चौथे लेवल के फ्लाईओवर में फंसता
हूं। अबे पांचवें लेवल के जाम में फंसा कर, वहां हवा अच्छी लगती है। अबे,
ले मैं तेरे ऊपर ही था, पांचवें वाले लेवल पर और तू चौथे लेवल पर, कॉल कर
देता, तो झांककर बात कर लेता

GOOD MESSAGE

 I met this guy who has
a motto he lives by everyday. He said ' listen carefully and
live by these 4 rules: Drink, Steal, Swear, & Lie.'

I was shaking my head 'no', but he then told me to listen
while he explained his four rules. So here they are:

1.. 'Drink' from the 'everlasting cup' every day.

2.. 'Steal' a moment to help someone that
is in worse shape than you are.

3.. 'Swear' that you will be a better
person today than yesterday.

4.. And last, but not least, when you 'lie' down at night
thank God you live in a country where you have religious freedom.


I am not as good as I should be, I am not as good
as I could be. but THANK GOD
I am better than I used to be !

Joke of the day

 

The year is 2020 and India’s much awaited MAN-ON-THE-MOON mission is successful. The first Indian astronaut lands on the moon. The moment he steps his foot on moon he is shocked to see 2 Indians already present on the moon.

 
The astronaut asks them : “Who are u?”

Reply:

“Cameraman Santosh ke saath Deepak Chourasiya…...AAJ TAK"

 

FW: the new MPID

DO you have MPID number !!

Nandan Nilekani can do it.....Fully integrated ID card system

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card numberfirst, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year.  That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. ."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"

Customer:[Faints]

In the hospital

Anyone who has ever had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy this:
A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
"Sarah Finkel, room 302."
I'll connect you with the nursing station."
"3rd floor Nursing Station. How can I help You?"
"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."
"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."
The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic .. that's wonderful news!"
The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"
"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me a thing."

FW: An Interesting Online Chat (Humor)

 

......................................................................................................................................... Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female -  (Online chat). (Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's) Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today? Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat Hero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee. Hero : OK (Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his desk ). Manager : Hey, I need some help from you Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me. Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening? Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening. Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place] (Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...) Female: Hey, am back Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, he's kinda..... Keeps asking stupid tings, tries to give me stupid work.... $*#&$@ Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!! Hero : Yep, u rite!! Female: Hey, can u do me a favor Hero : *smiles* sure, why not. Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out Hero : hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. Ok? Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM ...!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW !!