Six reasons not to mess with children-just Fantastic.

6 reasons not to mess with children.

(1)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah.'

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him.'

(2)
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.

She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

(3)
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

(4)
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor'.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

(5)
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

(6)
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE. God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

Love marriage vs Arrange marriage

---

Love Marriage	Arranged Marriage
Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set of functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.	Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
Family system hangs because hardware (called Parents ) is not responding.	Compatible with hardware (Parents).
You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.	You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.	All these features are covered in the SRS (System Req. Specification) as required features.
Love Marriage is like Windows , beautiful n seductive.... Yet one never knows when it will crash.... if crashes that's the end	Arranged Marriage is like Unix.... Boring n colorless... but still extremely reliable n robust. May crash but easy to recover

Globalization

 

 

 

 

---

 

Subject:- Globalisation ! !
 
Question:- What is the truest definition of Globalisation ?
 
Answer:- Princess Diana's death.
 
Question :- How come ? 

Answer:- An English princess, with an Egyptian boy friend, crashes in a French
 
tunnel, driving a German car, with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian, who was
 
drunk on Scottish whisky, ( check the bottle before you change the spelling )
 
followed by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American
            
doctor, using Brazilian medicines, This is sent to you by an Indian using
             
Bill Gate's technology, and u r probably reading this on your comp. that
             
uses Taiwanese chips, and Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers,
             
in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck drivers.
 
 
That z , GLOBALISATION

 

---

 

 

A song on Bill Gates

 

                                                                            BILL TO PAGAL HAI
                                                                    ___________________________________________

Billl To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....

Achhe Bure Softwares Banata Hai Yahi,
Hasata He Yahi, Rulata Hai,
Usme Phir 'Bugs' Daalta Hain Wohi,
Aur Solutions Bhi Nikalta Hai,


Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....


Is Bill Ki Baton Mein Jo Aate Hain,
Woto Oolloo Ban Jate Hain,
Software To Dusare Bhi Banate Hain,
Banake Magar Kho Jate Hain,


Hmmm Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....


Softwares Ko Main Na Pehchanoonga,
Working Bhi Na Mein Uski Janoonga,
Microsoft Ka Logo Bass Mein Dekhoonga,
Bill Jo Kahega Wohi Manoonga.


Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....


Bill Ka Kehna Hum Sab Maane,
Bill Na Kisi Ki Maane,
Uski Strategy Jaan Li Hamne,
Ek Wohi Na Jaane.


Bill To Pagal Hai.......
Bill Deewana Hai.....


Chhoro Ye Bill Sab Kahaniya,
Bugs Ki Hain Sab Nishaniya,
Programmers Ki Sari Pareshaniya,
Is Bill Ki Hain Ye Meherbaniya.


Hmmm Bill To Pagal Hai....
Bill Deewana Hai.....

 

Scrabble Genius

Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

                              DILIP VENGSARKAR
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                               SPARKLING DRIVE

                               PRINCESS DIANA
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                              END IS A CAR SPIN


                               MONICA LEWINSKY
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                              NICE SILKY WOMAN


                                 DORMITORY:
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                                 DIRTY ROO M


                                 ASTRONOMER:
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                                 MOON STARER


                                 DESPERATION
                        When you rearrange the letters:
                               A ROPE ENDS IT


                                  THE EYES:
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                                  THEY SEE



                              A DECIMAL POINT:
                       When you rearrange the letters:
                              IM A DOT IN PLACE


                          AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
                               MOTHER-IN-LAW:

                       When you rearrange the letters:
                                WOMAN HITLER

ForwardSourceID:NT0000A86A    

[Top 25 Success Quotations]

Consider what it takes to become an undeniable success with these sincere quotations that identify the fundamental factors necessary to triumph...   " Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing." -- Abraham Lincoln       "God gave us two ends. One to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use; head you win -- tails, you lose." -- Anonymous        "The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity. " -- Ayn Rand        "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get." -- B. R. Hayden        "Success is a journey, not a destination. " -- Ben Sweetland   "The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes." -- Benjamin Disraeli       "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." -- Bill Cosby        "The secret of success is to be in harmony with existence, to be always calm? to let each wave of life wash us a little farther up the shore." -- Cyril Connolly        "All of us are born for a reason, but all of us don't discover why. Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It's what you do for others." -- Danny Thomas        "Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other." -- Erma Bombeck        "Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must first set yourself on fire." -- Fred Shero        "Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time." -- George Bernard Shaw       "A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success." -- Joyce Brothers        "Failure is success if we learn from it." -- Malcolm S. Forbes       "The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself." -- Mark Caine       "True success is overcoming the fear of being unsuccessful. " -- Paul Sweeney        "Get up one time more than you're knocked down." -- Peter's Principle of Success       "Most people who succeed in the face of seemingly impossible conditions are people who simply don't know how to quit." -- Robert Schuller       "The truth is that all of us attain the greatest success and happiness possible in this life whenever we use our native capacities to their greatest extent." -- Smiley Blanton       "When your physical environment is in alignment with your aspiration, success becomes the norm." -- Susan St Lawrence       "The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people." -- Theodore Roosevelt        "The way to succeed is to double your error rate." -- Thomas Watson     "Dictionary is the only place that success comes before work. Hard work is the price we must pay for success. I think you can accomplish anything if you're willing to pay the price." -- Vince Lombardi        "Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm." -- Winston Churchill        "Success is the maximum utilization of the ability that you have." -- Zig Ziglar  Read more story's

 

__._,_.___

Testers and Developers

Good morning

Girls confidence

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

She says: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A.

 

Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14.

When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you"

The boyfriend says: "Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"

"Oh my God! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

Are you tensed ?

Love Marriage VS Arranged Marriage - The IT Perspective

Love Marriage VS Arranged Marriage - The IT Perspective

 

Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

 

Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

 

Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.

 

Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.

 

Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.
Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.

 

Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

 

Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

 

Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.

 

Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.

 

Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.

 

Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not be taken back!

 

Why does a relationship fail?

Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present..
Its just that,
One loves too much,
and
The other loves too many.
 

Excellent -story

    The train has started moving. It is packed with people of all ages,

mostly with the working men and women and young college guys and gals.

Near the window, seated a old man with his 30 year old son.

As the train moves by, the son is overwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled

with the scenery outside..
 
      " See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful"
 
This behavior from a thirty year old son made the other people feel strange about him.

Every one started murmuring something or other about this son.

"This guy seems to be a krack.." newly married Anup whispered to his wife.
 
       Suddenly it started raining... Rain drops fell on the travellers through the opened window.

The Thirty year old son , filled with  joy " see dad, how beautiful the rain is .."
 
      Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.
 
      Anup ," cant you see its raining, you old man, if ur son is not feeling well

get him soon to a mental asylum..and dont disturb public henceforth"    
              
The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied

" we are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning ,

he was a blind by birth, last week only he got his vision, 

these rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused..."
 
 
The things we see may be right from our perspective until we know the truth.

But when we know the truth our reaction to that will hurt even us.

So try to understand the problem better before taking a harsh action. 

 

 

Hilarious - read this!

George Bush & Abdul Kalam While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He Asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to Surround him with intelligent people. Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate." Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"   - - - -   - - - - Scroll down     - - - - - - -   - - - -   - -   Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir!" "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Kalam. He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleezza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem. "Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course." Much relieved Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's   - - - - - - - - -   - - - - -   - - - -           our Colin Powell !" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's   - - -- - - - - - - -   - - -   - - - -   - -     Manmohan Singh!"

Good Jokes

A Mother-in-law decides to see if her three son-in-laws love her or at least appreciate her...
The next day while strolling along the river with her first son-in-law, she lets herself fall into the water and starts to drown.
Without hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in the river and saves his mother-in-law.
The next day, in front of his house, he finds a new car, a Honda Civic, with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.
She undertakes the same scenario with her second eldest son-in-law. This one too, dives into the river and saves his mother-in-law. The next day, he too, in front of his house, finds a new car: the same Honda Civic with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.
The same scenario occurs with the third son-in-law, she falls in the water and starts to drown. He watches his mother-in-law drown while thinking to himself: I've been waiting a long time for this!
The next day, in front of his house, he sees a brand new beige colored BMW 730i with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your father-in-law.

 

*******************************************************************************************************

A mild mannered man is tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he decides to go to a Psychiatrist.
The Psychiatrist gives him a booklet on assertive training. He reads it on the way home. When he walks through the door, his wife comes to greet him.
He tells her, "From now on, I'm the man of this home and my word is law. When I come home from work I want dinner on the table. Now, get upstairs and lay out some clothes on the bed because I'm going out with the guys tonight. Then draw my bath. When I get out of the tub, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The undertaker!! !" she replies.