Sunday, April 25, 2010

APARTMENT for RENT--THIS IS TOO FUNNY ...

 
APARTMENT for RENT
THIS IS TOO FUNNY ...

 

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.  Morning,  before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'

 

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:


'Dear Madam:

 

Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment . I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:

 

#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

 

However, I found out that:

 

#1 - it had been previously occupied,
#2 - there wasn't any heat, and
#3 - it was entirely too large.'

 

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check f or $250 with the following note:

 

'Dear Sir:

 

#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

 

So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady...

 

 


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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

FW: WHY HUSBANDS SHOULD NOT ANSWER !!!!

 
 

WHY HUSBANDS SHOULD NOT ANSWER !!!!

 

WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!

WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'

HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.

WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'

WIFE: 'You would?'

HUSBAND: .......?

WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'

HUSBAND: 'Sure, it's a great house.'

WIFE: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

HUSBAND: 'Where else would we sleep?'

WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

HUSBAND: 'Probably, it is almost new.'

WIFE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'

WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'

HUSBAND: 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'

WIFE: 'Would she wear my shoes'

HUSBAND: 'No, her size is 6.

WIFE: -- silence....... -

HUSBAND: 'Shit'.

 


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Monday, March 22, 2010

FW: Office version of "Give me some sunshine"

 
 

Saari umr hum  
office mein mar
liye  
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do  

jeene do  


Saari umr hum  

office mein mar
liye  
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do  

jeene do  


Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….  


Give me some flight  

Give me some train  

Give me another chance  

I wanna go home once again  


Give me some flight  

Give me some train  

Give me another chance  

I wanna go home once again  



Kandhon ko laptop  

Ke bojh ne jhukaya  

Client se jhoot bolna tho khud  

Manager ne sikhaya  


4.5 ya 5 rating laaoge to chhuti, varna kismat futi  

Kaam kar kar ke pada Ungaliyon pe  

REVIEW, SCREEN aur REWORK ka chaala  


Is Project ne to saala poora..  

Poora bheja paka daala  



Career to gaya  

GF bhi gayi  

Ek pal to ab humein  

jeene do jeene do  


Career to gaya  

GF bhi gayi  

Ek pal to ab humein  

jeene do jeene do  



Saari umr hum  

office main jee liye  

Ek pal to ab humein jeene do  

jeene do  


Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….  



Give me some flight  

Give me some train  

Give me another chance  

I wanna go home once again  


Give me some flight  

Give me some train  

Give me another chance  

I wanna go home once again  



Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na
    


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Thursday, February 18, 2010

FW: Tomato story...!

 

 

 

 

 

.....


Tomato Story


A Jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test..

'You are employed' he said. Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.

The man replied 'But I don't have a computer, neither an email'.

'I'm sorry', said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job..'

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours,
he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times,
and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US ..
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.....
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.
The man replied,'I don't have an email.'
The broker answered curiously, 'You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire.. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!' The man thought for a while and replied, 'Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!'


Moral of the story



Moral 1

Internet is not the solution to your life..

Moral 2

If you don't have an Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Moral 3

If you received this message by email,
you are closer to being an office boy/girl, than a millionaire..........




P.S - Do not forward this email back to me,
I am closing my email account & going to sell tomatoes!!!



 

____________________________________________

 



 



 

 

FW: ATTITUDE IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT....

 
 

  ATTITUDE IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL  ABOUT.......

1. SOLDIER : SIR  WE  ARE SURROUNDED  FROM  ALL  SIDES  BY ENEMIES,
    MAJOR: EXCELLENT!  WE CAN ATTACK IN  ANY DIRECTION.

2. EVERY ONE  KNOWS  ABOUT   ALEXANDER  GRAHAM            BELL  WHO  INVENTED  THE
   TELEPHONE, BUT HE NEVER MADE A CALL TO HIS  FAMILY.  BECAUSE, HIS
   WIFE AND DAUGHTER  WERE DEAF. THAT’S LIFE “LIVE FOR OTHERS  “.

3.  THE   WORST  IN   LIFE  IS  "ATTACHMENT " IT  HURTS   WHEN  YOU  LOSE
     IT. THE   BEST  THING  IN  LIFE  IS "  LONELINESS "  BECAUSE  IT   TEACHES
     YOU EVERYTHING AND,  WHEN YOU LOSE IT, YOU GET EVERYTHING.

4.  LIFE   IS  NOT  ABOUT  THE  PEOPLE  WHO   ACT  TRUE TO  YOUR FACE ........  
     IT’S  ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE  BEHIND  YOUR  BACK.

5.  IF  AN   EGG  IS  BROKEN  BY  AN  OUTSIDE   FORCE..A  LIFE ENDS. IF
    AN EGG  BREAKS FROM WITHIN.......LIFE BEGINS.  
     GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM  WITHIN.

6.   IT’S BETTER TO LOSE YOUR EGO TO THE ONE YOU   LOVE.  THAN
    TO LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE.......  BECAUSE OF   EGO.

7.   A   RELATIONSHIP  DOESN'T  SHINE  BY  JUST   SHAKING  HANDS
     AT THE  BEST OF TIMES. BUT  IT  BLOSSOMS  BY   HOLDING  FIRMLY
     IN  CRITICAL SITUATIONS.
 

8. HEATED GOLD  BECOMES ORNAMENTS. BETTED COPPER BECOMES  WIRES.
    DEPLETED STONE BECOMES STATUE. SO,  THE MORE PAIN YOU GET IN
    YOUR LIFE THE  MORE VALUABLE YOU  BECOME.

9.   WHEN  YOU  TRUST  SOMEONE  TRUST   HIM  COMPLETELY   WITHOUT
     ANY DOUBT....... AT   THE  END  YOU  WOULD  GET  ONE   OF
      THE  TWO :   EITHER  A  LESSON  FOR  YOUR  LIFE   OR A VERY GOOD  PERSON  .

 

 

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Aisi apni wife ho...!!!


Aise apni wife ho,
5'
7" jiski height ho,
Jeans jiski tight ho,
Chehra jiska bright ho,
Weight mein thodi light ho,
Thodi si woh quiet ho,
Aise apni wife ho.


INDIA ki paidaish ho,
Sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho,
Aisi apni wife ho.


Dono me kabhi na fight ho,
Milne ke baad dil delight ho,
Hey PRABHU teri archane uski life ho,
Yeh kavita padhke sab kahe "Guru tum right ho",
Aisi apni wife ho.

 

Kaash yeh concept 0.000001 % bhi right ho,
Agar aisi apni wife ho to kya haseen life ho,
Har Kisi ki yeh farmaish ho, kudrat ki bhi aajmaish ho,
Khudah ke software mein bhi debug ki na gunjaish ho,
Ay kaash kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho,
Aisi apni wife ho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

"Don't"

DON’T
 
Don’t care so much for me,
 
I may get used to it.
 
Don’t come so near to me,
 
I may not be able to detach from it.
 
Don’t put so much faith in me,
 
I may not be able to handle it.
 
Don’t touch me the way u do,
 
I may not be able to get over it.
 
Don’t become a part of my life,
 
Coz without u, I won’t be able to live it.
 
Don’t make me fall for u,
 
I may not be able to fall out of it.
 
Don’t come into my life,
 
If u have to leave one day.
 
Don’t give me the hope,
 
That it’s forever u r gonna stay.
 
Coz love is an emotion
 
I won’t be able to hide,
 
When love isn’t reciprocated with love,
 
It hurts deep down inside.
 
Don’t start something
 
That I won’t be able to end.
 
Don’t make me believe
 
That u can be more than a friend.
 
Coz at the end of it all,
 
I don’t wanna hear u say,
 
That,” I’m sorry,”
 
“ but I never felt the same way!” 
  
 

Friday, January 15, 2010

FW: Software version of 3 Idiot's song - Saari Umr Hum



 
Saari umr hum

coding main mar gaye

Ek pal to ab humein jeene do

jeene do

 

Saari umr hum

coding main mar gaye

Ek pal to ab humein jeene do

jeene do

 

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

 

Give me some flight

Give me some train

Give me another chance

I wanna go home once again

 

Give me some flight

Give me some train

Give me another chance

I wanna go home once again

 

Kandhon ko laptop

Ke bojh ne jhukaya

 

Client se jhoot bolna tho khud

Manager ne sikhaya

 

C-3 ya D-3 rating laaoge to chhuti, varna kismat futi

Code kar kar ke pada Ungaliyon pe

JAVA, ORACLE aur PERL ka chaala

 

Projeck ne to sala poora..

Poora bheja pakka daala

 

Career to gaya

GF bhi gayi

Ek pal to ab humein

jeene do jeene do

 

Career to gaya

GF bhi gayi

Ek pal to ab humein

jeene do jeene do

 

Saari umru hum

coding main jee liye

Ek pal to ab humein jeene do

jeene do

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Give me some flight

Give me some train

Give me another chance

I wanna go home once again

Give me some flight

Give me some train

Give me another chance

I wanna go home once again

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….